Sex addiction

[tstarr]

I think I have a sex addiction. I sort of cheated on my wife through online porn chats and justified it but I feel awful. I’ve had this problem for years. Does it ever go away? I don’t want to be this person

[Micro]

Hey @tstarr,

Good job for sharing about this here and admitting that you might have a sex addiction. I can imagine that bringing up that kind of topic could be uncomfortable, but I hope you know that no one will ever judge you here. Addictions can make us feel a lot of shame, and the very first step in order to heal is to break down this shame by being vulnerable and connecting to places of support. You’ve made that step today, and I wanted to take some time to acknowledge that fact that it is very brave of you.

It does go away, but like any other addiction it requires you to actively work on a recovery. The good news being that you don’t have to do that on your own. There are safe places and safe people who could help you for this issue specifically. A therapist, for example, could help you navigate all the feelings associated with this habit, and to find healthier coping mechanisms in your life. Another helpful type of support are 12-steps programs, which for some of them are focused on sex and porn addiction. It could be worth it to check if there are some of them online, for example, who meet on a regular basis. That way, you could discuss and share your experiences with people who go through the same struggle and relate, but also to receive some kind of mentoring type of help.

In any case, you are not doomed to be stuck with this. There is hope. There are options to help yourself to break down this habit. And it seems that now you are ready to consider these options. Don’t stay alone with it.

[SheetMetalHead]

You’re not alone.

I struggle with acting on lust inappropriately too. I don’t like talking about it, not even anonymously on here, because I feel so much shame about it. The worst it ever got was kissing a girl at a party 3 months after I got married. I told my wife almost a year later as part of working the 12 steps, and we worked through it. We’re past that specific incident, but I still struggle with lustful thoughts that I want to act on, and have to be careful about the scenarios I put myself in.

Does it get better? I don’t know. I don’t want to be this person either, but it’s part of my brokenness. If I can own up to that, it won’t dominate me anymore, but at this point I still want to deny it and hide from it. “Sex addict” seems like a strong label that I don’t really want, so I’m trying to figure out what else it can be, or just telling myself it’s bad behavior or base instinct.

Self-awareness, acknowledging that it’s a problem that won’t go away and something you want to change, is the first step toward making the change. I hope you and I can find the courage to own that.