Hello all I’ve decided to use this platform to try to find solutions to better myself and heal. I’ve now about this community for a while now and because of my wife I have to courage to finally use it. I’ll go straight into it. When I have 5 years old I was molested and raped by my own cousin. I had no brothers growing up and my cousins were the only thing I had. He forced me to perform oral sex and he violated me in every way imaginable. It lasted until I was 11 years old. For 6 years of my life I lived a complete nightmare. Someone I trusted and looked up too was doing this to me. I’m 37 years old now and all of those memories were locked away deep inside of me. I was ashamed. I developed anger issues my whole life and never remembered why I was so angry all the time until I met my wife. Everything was shit in my life until I met her. After several years being with her and us having our son I still felt empty, angry, depressed and anxious. She started to notice and one day asked me why and I like this?. Why are you so mad all the time? You have a great life , you have a great new family, what aren’t you happy? I could never answer those questions until one day it all came back to me. I opened up to her and told her everything. We both started to cry. After remembering everything that happened to me I thought it was a nightmare. I really didnt think that that happend to me but it did. The anxiety has gotten worse. I cant keep a job because I just want to be home where I feel safe. Sometimes I cant be around people. Both of my parents were also abusive towards me. Me and my wife decided to tell my mother what happend. We sat down for lunch and I told her everything and she didnt even so much as cry. To this day I see pictures of my parents and sisters on Instagram when the person that did this to me even though they all know. I haven’t spoken to them i years . The reason i am writing this is because i need help. I feel stuck not knowing what i want to do in life. I haven’t accomplished anything career wise or school wise. I have all these thoughts and deal with my anxiety every day. For the most part i am happy but most of the time I’m just filled with anger and I’m tired. I want to be happy and free from all of this. Can anyone help? Any advice would be greatly appreciated . Thanks.
Although I have never been sexually abused, I have been physically and emotionally abused. My Step father did that to me, even bruised and bloodied my (at the time) 2 year old little brother. My mom didn"t even care that he hurted us, despite when we even talked to her about it. She instead blamed it on everyone but her and him, who was even physically abusing her as well. Around 3 years ago, (I’m 17 right now), I got into a serious lawn Mowing incident involving my hand. My mom showed up and everything, playing mommy of the Day. However, when I really needed her support, she was too busy having fun with him and his daughter, despite saying she would go out and support me. Right now, he is in prison and she is taking care of his children, who seem to not care at all, and just use her. Ironically, while my Mom is trying to save them from being damaged, she is damaging her real children without a care. Believe me Man, I know that live is a huge bitch. I hope you are able to get past this, and become a better you.
I was molested by my uncle. I understand where you are at
I relate by your story were the same bro I was molested when I was in kindergarten (4-5yrs old) can’t remember how old I was that time. I was molested by my three neighbors twice who’s ages are senior h.s and 6th grader that time and the last was also my neighbor who’s age around 30+ i guess. I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE SEXUALLY EXPLICIT STUFF LIKE WATCHING PORN AND HAVING AN IDEA ABOUT “How their D*CKS IS BIGGER than mine”. I am one of the children who easy to manipulate that time by a simple gifts like lollipop, money, toy etc. I don’t know what I doing when I was a kid when they give me something i don’t hesitate to take it even if there is a fucking FAVOR that they ask. It feels nothing that time when they gave me something gift etc. BUT WHEN I GROW UP AND HAVE A KNOWLEDGE ABOUT ALOT OF STUFF. It gross me out to the core by forgetting it that it never happened. And I feel empty, shame, guilt too. I didn’t even tell it to my parents about what happened until this day(I’m 22 yrs old). I wish I was brave as u are. I promised myself if I have a child in the future I will protect her/him at all cost so I don’t want to make them suffer what I went through.