This past December I[27m] met this girl online. Actually met her on reddit. We started talking, eventually started talking on skype pretty regurually. For the past 2 months (at least) we have been talking on the phone for hours almost ever night. Sometimes about serious stuff, sometimes joking around, sometimes watching tv together.
I don’t have a lot of experience with women, just one ex. I felt like I could be myself with her, I could be dorky and she enjoyed my sense of humor. We were both religious and took it seriously so we could talk about that stuff as well. On top of that we share some tramua. I had sever health problems when I was younger, no one I knew understood what it felt like. Even years later its predominantly altered how I view the world. I know what its like to be unable to eat, I know what it feels like to want to die because your body is in such horrific pain, I know what its like for doctors to not be able to figure out why, I know what its like to be dependent on family because you can’t work. I eventually got past my health issues and was able to move out on my own and live a fairly normal life. no one who meets me would ever guess what Ive been through.
This woman though, she is now where I was back then. Horrific pain, struggles to eat, all of it. The result was, well I didn’t realize quite HOW MUCH it had shaped me until I got to know her. It was like talking to the female version of myself. We were so different, yet so the same. I felt like someone finally understood me, that I didn’t have to hide myself and that I could let my guard down and just be me.
I always wondered what we were doing, could it ever work? We talked about it and had more or less decided to just see what happens. I care for her, I worry about her with her health issues. I loved talking to her, it was the highlight of my day. I loved watching tv shows together, or sharing memes with each other, just spending time together (even if on different sides of the country).
it wasn’t all good though. She had some problems. She lives with her parents and it was a toxic situation. Her parents are controlling and manipulative. She is DEEPLY emmeshed with them. They still treat her like a child and occasionally i would hear them talk to her and they were demaninig to her. They spoke to her like you would to a SMALL child. She was afraid of them, afraid of their anger (though she said they had never hit her). She struggled to talk about her feelings because all her life people had dismissed them or even verbally attacked her for her views. She didn’t feel valued.
Another problem was timing. With her health issues she had insane sleep problems, she was basically nocturnal. i have a fairly normal life so I can’t stay up to 4am talking and she was rarely online before 11pm. Most of the time she was getting online at around 1am. But when we talked it was worth it. There were days where she would get on earlier and we would talk 8 hours or more. It sounds insane but somehow…we did. Ive never met someone I could be like that with. I never met someone who wanted to talk to me that much.
As this pandemic hit and I started staying at home, she became even more important to me. At night I tend to get stressed about all this stuff and we would talk, we could confide in each other about our worries. Just talking to her was comforting.
well this afternoon I got a message from her. Her parents have been pressuring her not to talk to me. Like I said, they are controlling and manipulative. They don’t want her talking to anyone online. They threated to come take her phone and read all her messages. She sent me one last message saying that she had to block her contracts and delete skype/reddit/everything. They are making her if she doesn’t they are taking her phone (They still pay for it so I guess they think that gives them the right to treat her however they want). I didn’t get any closure, Ididn’t even get to fucking say goodbye.
we have been talking for an average of 4 hours a night for MONTHS. I deserve more than a long message where she says she is sorry but she has to cause her parents are making her. She should stand up for herself, but Ive been in her position. I had controlling parents paying my bills due to health issues who held it over my head. I know how big of a threat that can be. I’m angry at her, but mostly I’m angry at them. She is an amazing person, honestly one of the most amazing people Ive met. She has a beautiful personality and these people are pressuring her to do things that she doesn’t want to do. They think its their fucking right to determine what “influences” her . Fuck them ,they are shitty people.
Now I have no one. I have plenty of friends but no one I could talk to like I could her. No one I could share things I was excited about with like I could with her. No one who felt as i did about things, no one like her. I didn’t even know someone like her existed.
Now I can’t talk to her. I can’t watch a tv show with her. I already miss her. I felt isolated before, but now I feel completely and alone. I didn’t realize how much talking to her was keeping me somewhat stable emotionally through allt his. Just having a woman who geinuinely liked me and want to spend time with me. Now with evertyhing going on and being home all the time, Ive got all kinds of anxiety.