Last week, my mom told me I can vent to her whenever I needed to. Tonight while talking to her about homework, I vented a little to her about how I feel like I’m worthless to the family and how I’m a burden to the family. She responded with “You know who’s giving you these thoughts? Satan. Stop telling lies to yourself.” or around that area. Ik it’s not much, but it still feels hurtful because one would think someone would respond with “You’re not a burden and you’re not worthless.”
This is one of the reasons why I feel like I can’t vent to my family and I’m afraid to. She doesn’t know how hard or how long I actually work, even after I just told her I stayed up for almost 42 hours working on homework. I’m exhausted because of the long nights I stay up, either working on homework the whole time, or working on homework little by little while drawing. I DO get my homework done, but I do it the way I’m comfortable with doing it: Slow and relaxed. Sure my marking period ends in November, but working 24/7 like it seems like she’s wanting me to, it’s exhausting.
This resonated with me cause it reminded me of my Mom, in a sense, when I tried to vent to her. I’d go to vent about some issue that was going and it’d somehow turn into it being my own fault. But then I realized something. I started listening to what she was saying and actually hear her out. I put my anger aside and just tried to listen to what she said as unbiased as possible. Sometimes I would realize that what she was saying was the truth and sometimes what she said was more of a reflection of the mood she was in. All that being said, I learned how to gage her. And what I mean by that is, I learned how to figure out why she gave the response she did. It also helped me kind of know ahead of time what kind of response I would get. One time I was super upset and I went to vent to her and she ended up yelling at me and I didn’t come home for days. I didn’t find out till I came home that her dad / my grandfather was put in hospice earlier that day.
Some options you could try:
–Addressing it head on with her
–Finding different ways to vent frustrations
–Understanding her emotional state before venting
–Build a relationship with her that is truly based on understanding one another
–Saying something as simple as "Hey Mom, its been a tough day and I could really use your support/guidance today
I’m 27 and I still text my mom and ask her to say a prayer for me if I’m struggling. I love that woman with every ounce of who I am and thank God everyday that she’s my Mom.
I have a feeling your Mom sees the effort you are putting in, and that she cares about your well-being more than you think. She may misinterpret your comments into thinking that she wasn’t a good Mother to you. I think most importantly, she loves you, recognizes your hard work, and although you might not think it, she’s praying that God will heal your heart.
Lastly, she isn’t wrong about those thoughts. Ephesians 6:11 gives a pretty good summary of what she said in response about where those thoughts come from. I do understand though that sometimes, we just want to be reassureed that we are loved and not burdens.
Hopefully some of that can provide a little insight. I hope you and your Mother can get on a level where you guys can talk about anything and everything. Hang in there bud.