So i highly doubt this, but my mom keeps justify calling me bitch, evil, cruel, heartless. Sometimes i wish she punished me how they do in the movies grounding me, talking with me, i dont know. Is it okay for her to call me those things when i get in trouble? Like for instance when i dont clean my room, forget homework, or argue. I admit i have issues controlling my anger and im obsessive at times i also dont know when to stop but ive been going to therapy and using coping skills. She seems to think caling me insults, saying im a horrible kid, comparing me to my friends, heck sometimes when we argue when shes driving she’ll drop me off on the side of the road. Do parents tell their chilldren to shut up?? Do they threaten to kick their kids out the house. My dear old mom think doing those things will get me to behave, she thinks doing those things will get my grades up, and be more social. Like today she told me to shut up a lot, hit the table said she wished it was my face. Her word where and i reapet " if you where better behaved i wouldent act like this your abusive" i fucking defend my self. Ive went to therapy right, i have coping skills we have family therapy i communicate with them i even give them ways to deal with me i work with them i give them coping skills, and stuff but no they are the same. I hate having to go to school and act like my mom didnt just curse me out and threaten to kick me out! May i say im under 18 i cant even work yet and this is all because im “evil cruel and heartless i dont know evil between good” quated by my dear mom. She seems to think i have no empathy . I do have empathy and emotions but i show it in different ways then her and she thinks thats unexpecteptable. I know there is 2 sides to one story and we are both wrong i can improve in how i react and deal with things thats my fault but its hard walking away or ignoring insults! She thinks im the villan in every fight we have and dosent even admit that insulting me wont help me improve.
I’m sorry that you are living with such a difficult situation. It’s good that you are in therapy. If you haven’t already discussed it, ask your therapist what it means when someone says “that person really knows how to push my buttons.” It sounds like “button pushing” is causing significant problems between the two of you.
It also sounds like your mom is in desperate need of therapy. Name-calling and insults is the perfect approach, if you want your child to misbehave and rebel. People tend to behave badly when bad behavior is what’s expected from them. While she is name-calling and insulting, the underlying message is that she fully expects you to keep disappointing her. She may not admit to having that expectation, even to herself.
It also sounds like you have given her some reasons for being upset with you, as you have mentioned not cleaning her room, anger control issues, etc. if your mom is telling you to shut up, it does suggest that you are saying something at a time when saying it will do more harm than good.
Ask her if she really believes that, and if so, could she demonstrate to you how empathy works. Anyway, I have no doubt that you have plenty of empathy.
Walking away and ignoring, is interpreted by a parent as demonstrating a lack of respect. It’s ironic that a parent who disrespects their child by insulting her, feels offended if that child walks away.
What if, during these episodes when she is being insulting and abusive, you thoughtfully redirect the narrative back to whatever it is she’s upset about, and let her know that you understand. It really does sound like you are in an “boot camp for emotional intelligence/maturity, and empathy.” You are receiving direction from a therapist, while at the same time, learning from your mom what not to do.
Keep in mind, you won’t be in your current situation forever. While you are there, it might be worth your while to contemplate how you choose to feel and react to your mom’s behavior.
I hope it gets better for you, Wings
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