TW: suicidal thoughts
Hi it is me again. I hope you are all doing well. I am currently in a proces of moving to a new city to live with my brother and looking for a part time job. The problem is i just dont see what is the point. My family tells me to do what i think is best for me and not what others want for me. But i dont really want anything to begin with. I wanted to stop living for a long time but that is not an option because they want me to live. But again i am doing what they want. I dont want to have a life or a family or a job or to be happy I dont want to be here. So again i am doing something that others want me to do. I was just looking for a part time job and i was just depressed because i just dont even care about the money. I would be just fine waiting on a steet to starve to death. I dont care about me or my life. I am on antidepressants but they wount change the way you look at life. I guess the choice is this. Go on for other people or do what you want and go die.
Thanks for reading.
Just a bit of aditional information. I feel like i dont deserve to have a family or a job or anything because i just dont care. I am not really passionate about anything and i feel there are people who actualy want these things. I will give you an example. I told my parents i wanted to study psychology because it is somewhat interesting but there are so many people who really whant to study it and i just think it is ok to kill some years of my life. I dont belong here because i am not willing to fight to live. I think that in a biological point of view i shoul fail and die because i am a waste of space and air.