Should i fight or move on?

Hi there I am reaching out again to the wonderful group. When I went through a difficult separation and my husband left me and my children, Nate did the most amazing thing by sending support just doing a video of him going for a run with his children in a buggy and sending his prayers. I will cherish this forever. Since then, nearly two years have passed and I finally overcame the pain and struggle, making sure my children were taken care of. They are now 7&8 and are doing pretty well, despite the trauma of their father leaving and the pandemic. I found myself in a loving relationship with a man who has some issues and fear of being committed. We seemed to bond and have wonderful moments but when we got closer he pushed me away. He has his fears but I thought he was getting better as he introduced me to his family, his parents and his children, and all his friends. As I wanted a meaningful relationship he backed down once again saying he can’t give me what I wanted. I know he loves me but it hurts and I have not been in touch with him after he pushed me away again. I know he will be back and feel sorry and will do everything to explain his fears but I am now thinking of closing the door for good. It breaks my heart but I don’t know if I believe he can truly commit and have intimacy in a relationship. He is aware of this ongoing issue and this seems to be a pattern. At this stage I am not sure what to do when he reaches out as I am sure he will. We have not spoken since and it has been three weeks. Am I doomed to go for unavailable men or should I be open and try to work things out? My heart is healing now and I feel better but still very sad. Any advice would be very appreciated :pray:t2:


Hi @Babooshka

I’m glad you have healed from your previous relationship. It’s hard going thru that, I did in 2007 and it took a couple years to start dating again.

It sounds like your partner is going thru a lot. Have you talked about therapy with him or talked about why he is like this? I think in order for you to have a healthy relationship those issues need to be dealt with.

Supporting him thru this could be very powerful for you both. :hrtlegolove:


Hi Babooshka
Nice to meet you. I am also pleased that you have managed to heal and move on from your past relationship, that cant have been easy but time and strength have helped you and that’s wonderful. I am also really pleased that your 2 children are doing well.
As for your now partner, as Lizzy says, it does sound like he is going through some things which is making him unavailable to you in ways that make you question your relationship and that is a real shame.
You say you are in a loving relationship and I would hate for you to give up on that if you genuinely love each other enough? but its a lot to fight for if you don’t, so I guess that is the big and maybe only question you have to ask yourself.
I certainly do not think you are doomed to go for unavailable men, I just think this is an unfortunate situation that needs a conclusion.
Good luck and I truly with you both well.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:


Thank you so much for your warm answer. He keeps leaving me then coming back, and I am not sure he can fix hi fears and issues. I m worried my self esteem will take a hit. I gave it many chances over the past 8 months, and every couple of months he breaks up. I did offer to do some therapy together which he had agreed but we did not find a therapist and did not get the chance. He was heavily bullied as a child and went through a divorce 7 years ago but I feel this takes a toll on my life and esteem and I am really worried.


I think ultimately you need to do what is right for your own mental health. Like you said, you’ve given it many chances and it seems like your at your rope’s end.

Ask yourself why you’re still with him and be honest with yourself. Is it need or love?


Thank you. Yes and he has not reached out yet so I feel it is not fair to me to live in hope and to depend on his needs or will…I will take my time to reflect. Thank you so much Lizzy :heart:


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