I, along with others, can often feel as though we shouldn’t vent to others because we don’t want to trouble them. What if these ideas are wrong? What if not venting to our peers actually hurts them more?
Not too long ago I had a best friend, we’ll call them Ava, and we did absolutely everything together. We hung out 24/7 and knew everything about each other. We had been friends for approximately 4 years. We always vented to each other about our troubles and if we weren’t feeling up for it then we’d just sit in silence together until we felt better. It was great until I received a message saying they were in the hospital for attempted suicide. I wasn’t there for them that day and had previously vented to them about my own troubles. They could’ve died because of my selfishness. I felt so guilty, “If only I hadn’t vented to them then they wouldn’t have attempted. My best friend nearly died because of me.” However, it wasn’t really my fault. Ava decided to suppress their emotions for my sake since I seemed to have too much on my plate at the time. I was a bit furious with them for not talking to me to help prevent it as we’d always done. I much prefer the venting, even if it did overwhelm me at times. When Ava didn’t vent is when it hurt the most
Since that incident, it’s become quite hard for me to not suppress my emotions as I’m afraid it may become the reason for someone else’s attempt. However, I have very supportive friends and am making efforts to improve those issues.
Now fast forward to 2 days ago when I was heavily suicidal and almost broke my self-harm free streak. I couldn’t understand why my boyfriend said he always wanted to know when I was feeling this way but I think I understand now. If I did relapse or attempt suicide, that would hurt him more than if I just occasionally vent these thoughts to him.
TL;DR: Don’t suppress your emotions for other people’s sake. The pain of them being unaware of your struggles is much worse than them knowing