I just had to break up with my boyfriend because he is having serious depression and won’t get professional help. As a result he was not able to put any energy towards me and I put all my energy towards him.
Now I am alone again. And worrying about him. Knowing that this is the only option at this point. But super disappointed that he is not willing to get help. Makes me feel worthless.
I am in the process of finding a therapist but I hate it because I have never had success finding one I like.
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Hi Elaine,
I understand that struggle. I had to leave my previous relationship for similar reasons. The lack of wanting to put any effort in changing or getting better in multiple things. It was dragging me down and causing my own mental health decline.
Sadly, even in friends and romantic relationships we have to look out for ourselves. If people are not willing or not ready to help themselves, then we have to do what we need to make sure that it isn’t bringing us down as well.
It’s hard spending energy in places like that. Because it feels like you’re hitting a dead end and circling around endlessly. I know how trapping it can feel.
I also know the guilt and the hurt that come with having to distance ourselves from people we love and care about.
Just know that it isn’t your responsibility to make them better. And there isn’t a lot you can do if they don’t want that help. You can love them and support them. But if you need to distance that IS okay.
I’m really sorry that you guys are going through that. And that he is struggling.
I hope you are able to find a therapist that works for you. Just know it’s okay to take the time to go through however many therapists you need till you find the right one. It can take time sometimes.
- Kitty
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Thanks. Yeah the therapist thing is not just the time but the money. I am not poor enough for free services, but I work about 6 part time contract type jobs so money isn’t stable. Makes it more stressful.
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I understand that all too well! I’m in the same boat. I lost my insurance and don’t make enough to cover my medical needs.
If you check out the HeartSupport stream panels on Twitch, you will see that there is a link to BetterHelp. HS is partnered with BetterHelp so that you can get a 7 day free trial with the service. It’s an online counseling service. Allowing you to text or schedule a voice chat with a real therapist in which you will be assigned. It does require you to put in a credit card but it will NOT charge you if you cancel before the 7 days is up. They also have a financial aid service that you can apply for to see if you qualify for discounts on the service. I was able to do this. Maybe this could work for you? Even if you just do the trial.
I wish you the best of luck friend. And if these things don’t work for you. Know that Heart Support is always here for you to share your thoughts on!
They also have a couple of books that you can get at no cost to you if you feel they may be of help to you
Dwarf Planet - A guide through and work book for depression. Click here
ReWrite - A guide through and work book for self harm. Click here
I hope this helps
- Kitty
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@anon17277947 i have been looking into those resources. Thanks for the info.
I also want to say I like your screen name. It has the romanization of “cat” in Korean right?
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Yes. That is correct 
I use it as a nickname as my real name is Kitty.
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It is cute! I actually learned the Korean alphabet during a depressive episode once.
The things we do to try to keep going.
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That’s super cool! I don’t know an ounce of Korean. But one of my best friends is Korean. She is the one who told me about Koyangi. 
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I got sucked into the world of Korean dramas many years ago. I know words here and there. But not much more than saying hi and ordering coffee.
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I love watching Korean Dramas. I think I watched “I Summon You Gold” twice. I watched another one about a guy that supposedly was allergic to human contact and a girl pretended to be a robot maid in his house. I can’t remember the name of it. And recently watched a really silly Freaky Friday type Korean film called “The Miracle” on Netflix .
I’d watch more but I don’t really have much access to them. Sadly
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Free, legal site where you can watch Asian tv shows and movies. There are subtitles.
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Oh, cool! Thanks! I’ll check that out! Seems it has an app as well.
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I was going through the same situation a few years ago with my ex. He couldn’t take care of himself, let alone me. I wasn’t getting anything from him, and it completely exhausted me. You made the right choice getting out of it. Relationships like that can easily drag you down, and make you feel stuck. You will find someone. I promise. You just have to remember that you can’t fix people. That’s too much pressure that you’re putting on yourself. You deserve to surround yourself with the best.
It’ll get better. Keep your head up.
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Thank you for these words. All of my friends say that this is the right move. And I know it. But it still hurts. And I seem to always run into this because I am a very caring person.
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Tell him that, if he wants to be with you, or have anything to do with you, he needs to go with you to be assessed.