Smirky Fan #13

For the past 5 years I’ve felt like nobody really cared about who I was. In real life, my differences made it difficult for me to bond with family or classmates, same reasons for the cyber world. Even when I do the things I love, I don’t feel happy at the end since I wish I was doing that activity with a friend or family member & wished someone would care for what I’m feeling.

Being alone can be a dark blanket that covers everything we do with an emptiness and a sadness that clouds even the brightest of days…to feel like you’ve sought connection in every medium possible and still feel alone is such a brutal place to be…to feel like there’s no hope – you’ve tried in person, you’ve tried online, you’ve tried going without it, and it feels like there’s no escape from the loneliness of the reality you find yourself…and that pain is so deep and so nagging…it’s like a dull gnawing on your bones, a slow nail on the chalkboard of your life…I’m sorry you’re in that spot, friend. I remember that pain myself, and it was terrible. Especially when you feel it’s something out of your control…especially when you feel you come to the end of yourself and find nothing else to give, nothing else to try, nothing else to hope for…it’s a brutal place indeed. I pray you find that connection that you desire…I honestly feel like finding connection was a blessing I didn’t arrange for myself…I randomly got invited to a community of people that happened to love and accept me, and I had no concept of how that happened or why or how the timing was so perfect…so I don’t feel I have good advice, just good intentions…I pray the same would happen for you – that you’d find the place you belong and feel at home. Thank you for sharing your heart, friend.