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So alone, what to do?

Hi everyone, I’m new here. A really close friend told me about this site. So I thought I’d try it.
So I was 16yrs old when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I’ve been dealing for 21 years. Lately I find it’s getting worse. I want to sleep all the time, I have no desire or energy to do anything. I cry a lot and I wish more often then not that everyone would be better of if I was there anymore. I feel that if I was there I wouldnt feel hurt and pain and exhaustion and defeated.i cant hold a relationship for the life of me…it seems I’m more “fun” not dating material.
I have been verbally abused time and time again and told I’m useless and pathetic and cant stop hearing those words every day… that was years ago. I know I sound a bit all over the place sorry for that. But it’s just the way I am… thanks for listening

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Many here have these problems. It’s ok. Sometimes things are overwhelming and that’s a huge trigger. Focus on yourself and getting better. You can achieve great things. And just because it gets hard or you have a bad day. Or it just gets bad again. That’s no reason to beat yourself over it. Just know we are here for you and support you. Healing takes time. There is no schedule. Everyone is different.

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Hey Friend.
First thank you for sharing, I understand how tired you must feel after carrying the weight of these feelings. I was similar for a very very long time. I fought through sleeping for days, and being verbally abused by my family for a very long time. You will feel useless and the world is better without you, but neither is true. You have been given the life you live to make something amazing and a mark that only you can make.
Try to fight against these emotions pick up a hobby, art, singing, writing. I started gardening and I gave myself a purpose to wake up every morning.I slowly gave myself things to wake up too things that made me happy.
These small slivers of hope I held onto and use them to slowly use them to allow you to pick you up. It will be slow and yes others will try to pull you down and think what you’re doing isn’t worth it, but you have to be as forgiving and push through.
Slowly gain relationships, friendships, romantic, whatever you think. Be honest with those you talk to, something as simple as “I’m fighting through some hard emotions so I may be a little off.”
Don’t forget to give yourself patience, time, love and hope and I know you can get stronger and happier. I know you want to and have the strength to do so, you proved that by posting.
Hold fast friend, I believe in you.