So I thought things would just magically get better

Hey everybody…I’m in a real low spot right now…

I just moved into my new apartment, right…? Nicest place I’ve ever lived, it’s great…

But I’m just as depressed as before, if not more so…I actually miss that shitty little apartment with my ex…
I guess what I miss is what it was, and what it could have been…

I’m supposed to be thrilled, right…? Brand new apartment, new lease on life, all that…but I don’t feel anything even remotely like that…I just wanna cry…

It feels like I’ve lost everything, and now all I’m doing is trying to fill the void with this nice, big apartment…I know objectively it’s a better place to be, that it was a good decision to move out of the place my ex literally decorated, and it’ll be great for my dog Stella too…

But all I wanna do is cry, man…I’ve lost everything I ever wanted, found all the darkest baggage in myself that I never really wanted to acknowledge, and now it’s either smoke myself into autopilot just to get through the day, or be in absolute emotional torture at the loss of the future I wanted to make with her…

I really did want that with her…I proposed, gave her my dads ring he gave to my mom 25 years ago…she actually said yes, and we were planning the wedding and EVERYTHING…and I squandered it all…I have no idea how I’m gonna just…just pick up and keep going forward…it all hurts so much, and now I have all these responsibilities of getting the apartment shit sorted out, helping my ex get her stuff out the old place…meaning I have to see her, one on one, and just NOT cry my eyes out and beg her to come back…

It’s just not fair…I’m so fucking sad…I’m so tired…I’m so angry…

I guess this is just my life now…

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@connerm1219

My dear, my heart breaks for you because I’ve been there and I know what you’re going thru. It takes time and you have to be patient with yourself.

Instead of “missing” everything about your relationship, sit and reflect about it. Grow from it and let the healing process begin. Changing your surroundings is a great start. Make your apartment look the way you want it to. Start creating your own routines there and enjoying it. Don’t make it a negative space, make is a positive one.

You can do this, just be gentle with yourself ok?

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How much of this is just ‘fake it til ya make it…?’

I struggle in deciding whether what I’m feeling needs my focus and time to process, or if I’m just ruminating in an unhelpful way.

I don’t wanna let myself spiral down a rabbit hole when I’m feeling shitty, but sometimes those feelings really do overwhelm me…

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When they overwhelm is when it’s time to really reflect and try to figure out why you’re feeling that way. Don’t be ashamed of those emotions because they are valid and ignoring them just makes things worse.

The key is to not take the negative way of thinking about it, because when you do it just fuels the spiral.

You moved, that was a good step. But, that’s just the start and there is a lot of work ahead. Go the next step and focus on moving forward. Acknowledge your emotions, accept them and grow from them. If you don’t, you’ll just keep trying to climb out without getting to the top.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is not to give up and to keep moving forward.

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there isn’t any automatic resets, especially after such a loss. Breakups are hard, and they do take a while to recover from, like an injury. You can’t rush it. I’m glad you found a new place, and I understand the grief for the old and the familiar. But you can also start to make new memories. they don’t have to be large and extravagant, they don’t have to be for anyone else. For example, if there is a tiny spot you like most, sit and have a nice cup of tea/coffee/soda with your fave food (if you can get your hands on it). Just take a moment to enjoy sitting in a safe, cozy spot, sheltered from the outside, focus on each sip, each bite. If memories come, dont fight them, but do tell them that this is not their moment, it’s a new moment. These tiny little acts are needed to give yourself new memories, new tiny tiny spots of joy or peace. If you can make such moments, it won’t banish the pain, but they can give you an anchor to remember that pain is not going to last forever.

(also, please let me know if you mind my suggestions. I realize that not everyone may want advice, but sometimes all we want is a listening ear and comfort!)

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Hi connerm1219
Things will not magically get better after moving. You have suffered a great loss and your mind and heart have to deal with that. You are not in a state of mind to enjoy the fact that you are living in a nicer place. Once you mind calms down and the pain will not be so terrible you will see things in a different way but that takes time. For now take your time and try to cope. I wish you strenght. You can pull through. I believe in you.

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