Hi, so this is gonna be very long, but its something that ive wanted to share(get out) for a long time but its been hard to just write it down even.
It all started 24th of December 2020, when my friends uncle tragically died. He was gone for a while after going for a iceskating trip after Christmas dinner and was reported missing when he took too long to come home. It was on national news. When i found out it was him my heart sank, hes my dads age. It took hours for them to find him. He was sent to the hospital in a helicopter and pronounced dead an hour later. Knowing how good this man was, how much influence he had on our little community in our town, his children and siblings children. I broke. I know how much he mattered to my friend and it was hard for me to imagine what she was going through. Every weekend i cleaned his office, and his wifes, and brother (i took over my friends job maybe 4 months before he passed away, cleaning her family buisness building) and was reminded what had happened. She had to go trough that every single day.
Two weeks after new years eve another friend gets a message that her moms boyfriend had suddenly passed, he was also my parents age. I wont go into details, but even though she wasn’t close to him, it affected her and her familys life a lot.
A few weeks later, maybe one? I wake up from my dad calling. He asks if all my friends are ok. I get extremely confused and worried, i expect everything at this point. He told me that this cabin closeby was burning and there were people inside. I didnt know any of them. But it hurt so much knowing that 2 families died that night.
At this point i feel broken, even though no one close to me has passed away. I dont know how to talk to my friends about their loss or situation, because ive never experienced something even close to it myself. I dont know how to help other than being with them like normal.
During summer vacation i was pretty depressed. If i wasnt working, i was just laying in bed. The worst part was not knowing why, it didnt feel like one spesific thing. Late summer i moved to a new city to study, and i had anxiety just going out, but i was still happier than when i was home for some reason.
I start uni and its fine, i felt like i might have chosen the wrong thing pretty early on, but i push trough. “Ill get trough a year of this, easy”. (spioler alert: its not all that easy). During one class i get a message from my mom, telling me that my friend from where i grew up has passed away. 19 years old. We hadnt had contact the last 2 years, but it still broke me. I texted my friend who was close to both me and him. That helped a bit.
During this first semester i keep getting sick, one or two weeks each time, and its never good timing. Always getting tested for covid. I miss a lot of school and socialising. Have periods of depression and i struggle to sleep. I finish one project and get a weekend to relax and spend time with my family. The next project is for our exam and i manage to get sick on day 2 of preparations. I ended up being sick for 2 weeks and missed a lot of preparations(all of it basically), i still try to finish the project and i DO, kinda. over the course of two looong days i present it and get feedback, and watch my classmates present and get feedback. Im done but tired. I had stayed up day and night to finish it. A week later, i got the results back and i failed the exam. Even though its not the worlds end, it just sucks.
At the same time my grandfather had been suffering a lot from memory-loss. Two of my grandparents had strokes after i moved. The top of the icing its my aunt that is against vaccines and masks. Now my other granddad is too scared to get vaccinated because of everything she’s told him and i now its been 2 years since ive hugged him.
Ive also done a lot of things that made me happy and proud! Got my drivers license, graduated, moved in with friends. But right now its feels like the bad outweighed the good. Ive realised that life can end at any time so being with family and friends has become a bigger need for me, but thats also hard with a friggin pandemic. All in all it just feels like a pretty bad year and wanted to get it out, life has just sucked and been filled with stress and sadness.
Luckily i got a lot to look forward to in 2022!
Heres to a better 2022!
