I have just so many regrets and missed opportunities for happiness in my life. Most of this was/is due to my Bi-Polar and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (possibly a by-product of my mostly Situational Depression). I lie in bed at night - often very late - trying to get to sleep and thinking about the past and how old I am now, without a partner or family of my own. It breaks my heart and crushes my spirit and I regularly cry myself to sleep. I also wake up exhausted and depressed, so often get up very. late I’m also struggling with finding suitable Christian Fellowship and most Church events are on relatively early on Sunday mornings. I am 52 now and I feel like over half of my life has largely been a waste and a long list of missed career options, girlfriends, a wife and children and grand-children of my own… I realise it can still happen, but my BPD and CFS/Depression keep getting in the way of getting out and meeting people each week.
I’m currently praying for you right now that you will regain the hope and light that gets you out of bed in the morning, that as you continue to push through your physical and emotional pain that you will find strength and companionship in Jesus, and that he will place a community around you to lift you up.
I firmly believe that your life is not a mistake and that the breath in your lungs has immense purpose. We are championing you. Thank you for sharing where you’re at.
Hey there Chardonnay,
I’m so sorry you feel the way you do. But it’s a valid people. I feel like a lot of people struggle with these feelings at multiple points in their life.
But it’s never too late to start. You’re never too far gone. I wonder if you’ve sought any professional help regarding your inability to sleep or bipolar disorder. I also wonder if things like ezcercising will help to make you more tired and also help with your bipolar as I know exceecise helps mine tremendously.
Based on how you talk it seems you allow yourself to be controlled by your illness. But you’re not your illness. They’re just pieces of you. There’s a whole wonderful person inside that you’re letting whither away.
I believe in you. I believe you can take control, take action, take ownership. I want you to find that light within.
We love you. Please keep us updated.
Thank you, Imani. I only know one other female in my life with that name!
Thank you, Goo! What’s the meaning in your screen name?
Chardonnay
Just like Goop said, it is never too late to start the life you want. It is a struggle to take that first step, but you have already taken it - by reaching and letting people know that you are struggling. I am proud of you for taking that first step, and I believe you can keep making improvements to your life. I would implore you to take baby steps to your improvement, pushing yourself to go to church on Sunday’s if that is important to you. From there you can slowly push yourself to hopefully get into a better space mentally and physically - building your community and building the changes you want in your life.
From what it sounds like, the only person who can hold yourself back is you. So starting smaller, and doing things like cleaning your house or getting some daily exercise can really make a difference in how you feel.
It’s never too late to start on the path you want. I think many of us have these moments of regret about the choices or paths we didn’t take. That is what makes us human. The fact that you reached out is a big and good first step. Doing a series of small things such as going for a walk or reading a favorite book can help a bit. Seeking some professional help with therapy can also help you in order to navigate ways you can help yourself with your mental health as well as giving you the tools you need for coping mechanisms. You are stronger than you think. You can do this. Please keep us updated. Lots of love to you.
It isn’t helpful to reminisce about the past what’s very important is that you concentrate on the present or you’ll miss your future