I am so stuck at this time in my life right now. I am so overwhelmed by the number of obstacles I’m having to jump that I’m eventually going to stumble and fall.
I have felt like I have been needing to change jobs, change my environment, start over again basically. I’ve been driving to interviews 2 hours away from where I live now after work a couple times a week for the past few weeks. I’ve been going to interviews in that area because it’s near where my cousin lives, and I’ve been wanting to move in with her because I think things overall will just be better for me. But every interview I’ve been to has been for a part time position, and these aren’t ideal for me because of my health issues and I need to put myself in a position to take care of myself when things get worse. And I don’t want to stay where I am.
I’ve been really struggling with feeling like my life is even worth living anymore because of all this. My condition isn’t improving, and I worry about surgery affecting my ability to even do my job, what I spent 6 years of my life in school for. For the past 24 hours or so, it’s felt like I’m having to start mourning the hopes I had once had for my life. It feels like I was never meant for a chance at a normal life, which led to a recurring feeling that I have had to deal with throughout my young adult life, that I am trapped here in this life. My loved ones say that they care, but at the end of the day they all have their significant others or there own families to care for, and some day my parents will be gone, and I will just be forgotten.
Essentially, I’ve been thinking “So what is it all for? What is all the effort for to try and find happiness, when it will be so short lived if it comes at all?” I have friends telling me that I am a strong person, but I’m honestly exhausted having to be the person I am every single day.
I reached out to friend about all this, and he made me reach out to my therapist as well. I am just so lost in how to live a life worth living for myself anymore.