I constantly feel like a failure.
Why me? Why didn’t they listen when I said no? Why can’t I reach the happiness everyone says I deserve??
I deal with so many mental disorders AND medical problems…I am tired of putting up a mask that I’m okay or that I’m happy. I’m so far from both yet nobody sees it. Even my husband seems like he doesn’t see it. I shouldn’t have to tell him I’m suffering, he should be able to tell. When I’m up at night crying, he just snores next to me, then gets mad at me for not waking him up!
I should just get help, right? Not that easy. I have a fear of contacting a therapist/counselor bc one of my disorders isn’t 100% believed to exist (specifically DID). I struggle with the idea of contacting a psychiatrist after my last one withheld diagnoses from me.
I am just burned out on life anymore. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to die, to just get rid of the pain I deal with daily…but part of me doesn’t want to die for my son and my step-children (2 of which have their of mental health problems and rely on me for understanding and help).
Hii , let me just tell u , i proud of u for making it till now , and stay strong , atleast for your kid . Your husband is the one wrong here , cause the only person you trust and believe can help you is your husband and he chooses to do this , i personally get it how bad it feels when the people you expect to get you or care for u aren’t even interested , you dont need a therapist babe, just find something that makes you happy , that makes you wanna get up every morning , learn a new language , travel , music anything. And babe you shouldnt ask your husband for some care and attention , he should realise it on his own , you own it to urself to not beg him.
Talk to someone , about your day be it a stranger
It will surely make feel good. Keep yourself and your mental health first darling , you deserve it
It sounds like your husband does care, he wants you to wake him up at night, no one knows how someone else feels unless they tell them.
Sometimes it takes seeing few different therapist to find the right one, I have gone through that with my daughter, it took a few until she found this amazing therapist who literally helped save her life, Dont give up on finding the one who is perfect for you:)
Try and find something that makes you happy, whether it is running or reading or hanging out with your kids ( who need you) photography is also a wonderful hobby as you can capture so much beauty in one photo. Do something for your self. Dont be afraid to wake your husband at night, he wants to be there for you. You are NOT a failure, you are loved by some many people
You are loved more than you know <3 I remember feeling this way finally going back to a psychiatrist after several years. A big part of me wanted to cancel the appointment, I was brought to tears in the waiting room, and contemplated leaving. I knew it needed to happen because I wanted to kill myself for awhile, and that wasn’t an option. After finding the right doctor, I began to feel better and gain interest in things again. Granted it’s always a struggle, but taking that first step made things so much more manageable for me in the long run.
Your family NEEDS you. I don’t know you personally, but I am willing to be you are an amazing person because you care about them so much. You have a community here you can reach out to, and just know you are not alone <3
I can relate to so much in this post. Oh my gosh. It’s like reading something I would have written.
I have faced so many situations in my life with family, friends and strangers where I would say NO and people would not listen or respect my answer. I have been intruded and invaded mentally and physically by people who refuse to listen. I have been taken advantage of and used. I so know that feeling. You are not alone my friend. I hate it. I hate it for both of us. We shouldn’t have to repeatedly say no or explain ourselves. People should accept the answers we give.
I too battle every day with many mental health disorders. It sometimes feel like a never ending list and leaves me feeling broken and defeated. When I was married I felt like I was invisible to my husband. I would try to talk to him about what I was going through and what I was feeling and he was just never present. He was always lost in his own world and it felt like I didn’t fit in it.
The thing about relationships is, nobody can read our minds. Yes, our loved ones you would think would recognize the hurt and change in us when we are struggling. But sometimes it’s not always fair to expect people to just know what is going on with us. It’s important for you to open up and share what you are going through. To pull your loved ones aside and let them know you are struggling and why. Share with them what they can do to help support you. Tell them what you need. And if they are doing something that is hurtful to you, take a moment to talk to them about what they are doing to hurt you. I know that sometimes this can be very hard but communication is so important and it’s important that we try to do it when we can be of calm mind so that they can be receiving of what we are trying to say.
I remember when I used to lay awake with anxiety and hurting inside. My dark thoughts would consume me, and like you, my husband would lay next to me snoring while I was there feeling so lost.
I understand the fears of therapist my friend. I went many many MANY years avoiding therapy because I was afraid. I let a couple bad experiences scare me away of trying again. But you know what? I finally last year decided that I needed help and I was tired of robbing myself the chance of finding someone that worked. Yes, finding that right therapist can take time and patience. As can finding the right doctor, but once you find that right one it’s SO worth it. Therapy has really helped me a lot.
Keep looking my friend. Keep fighting for yourself. Dont lose hope. There is someone out there who can help you. I know it takes a lot of mental energy to find them but it’ll be so worth it. Don’t rob yourself of the chance of getting the help you need.
I understand that burn out. I so do. I battle with so much of it regularly. Its been hard to keep going some times. But know that we are here. You matter. You are important. We will love you the best we can and offer support and encouragement. You DO deserve so much more than this pain you are facing. You are worthy of love and care.
Hang in there my sweet friend. It can get better.