Social Anxiety and Messaging

[Just]

Fufufu hello, today I started reflecting on something else. Feel free to comment below any insights.

Messaging is a fun and convenient tool but apps like WhatsApp, Telegram and Wechat really messes with my anxiety.

The constant typing … and online status and the read receipts all anxiety inducing, like really really anxiety inducing.

The feeling of someone being online for an hour but not replying you sucks , but at the same time cuz ur not face to face , you wonder if they are doing something behind ur back or choosing to ignore you. But that’s just overthinking on your part, I think maybe.

I have sinned in the past badly as a sender as receiver as well , I used to ghost people a lot, and not just messages, phone calls as well.

I’m unsure if it was due to anxiety or depression maybe a mix of both. The funny thing is once you start ghosting, it becomes a habit a bad habit and it really worsens ur mental health cuz you start thinking you have no friends so you ghost them again

Eventually I caused myself to lose friends thanks to this endless cycle of ghosting people and {just not knowing how to apologise or continue a conversation I’ve been ignoring for 3 months now.} <<<Solutions if you’ve been through this

Anyway I’m fine now sort of but I still get that constant anxiety when ppl don’t text me back or refuses to be on call with me, I also get this constant urge to read and ignore just because I don’t know how to reply.

My solution (adapted from a friend) has been to go meow everytime I got no clue what to reply to you and so far I think it’s been working great, sometimes in conversations where the person just wants to tell you how was their day through text, shit can get awkward. Cuz all the text chains are all close ended statments so Meow seems appropriate hahaha.

As for when I feel like talking through text but don’t know what to say, I’m trying to do open ended questions like how’s ur day or what did you eat, I think it only works to a certain extent cuz if the person doesn’t wanna elaborate on ur topic, it sort of just stops at oh I had bagels or something like that and then it goes silent again. This one as well, if anyone has any suggestions on how to open convos, that would be great. It’s like a crash course on communication lol.

Phew this was a rant. Anyway thanks for reading. Feel free to leave any insights below.

Lots of love,

JusTea

[Just]

Meow I’m not anxious or anything for people to reply to the post Nah I am. Meow.

[ManekiNeko]

Hello! I know it can be nerve racking trying to have communication and waiting for people to respond. It’s a killer when you think people must be thinking various negative things about you when they don’t respond.
I know how it feels to lose friends because you ghost them ect, and yes anxiety and depression can make you want to hide away and not reach out or respond.

I think the messaging apps are harder to reply with people and people do tend to make things short most of the time.
You’re doing a great job by trying to have the open ended questions! You should be proud of yourself from the steps you’ve taken to get on top of it. Don’t be so hard on yourself though. It’s not you at all. I promise.
Like I know with my younger cousins they often just reply one or two word answers.

Don’t be afraid to double text or be the first to open convo. Once people get to know you and know that you’ll also banter back they’re usually more receptive. I hope you’re doing okay

[SheetMetalHead]

Agh you’re making me anxious just reading about this!!!

I try to imagine that they are busy, or else they got distracted. I know a lot of times I’ll get distracted mid-conversation. More recently, I have come to recognize that sometimes they are also too anxious to respond right away. Yeah I’ve been straight up ignored before, and that hurts. I think you need to take a lack of response in the context of the person you’re talking with. Do you know if they’re ignoring you? Are they anxious or awkward? Are they often busy with other things? Are they chronically fatigued and don’t have the clarity to think up a response? Also, sometimes conversations need to pause, and someone needs to pause them. Otherwise you’d be chatting nonstop, and that’s a lot of pressure for everyone involved.

My advice, which is easy enough to suggest but a lot harder to follow through on, is to take a break from these apps if you feel them taking a toll on your mental health. I did that with social media. For a few days it felt like I was missing something, and I was. When I had a spare moment that my brain wasn’t being stimulated, I didn’t have any apps to fill that gap. After awhile though, I found a lot of peace and contentment, and I realized I was appreciating my surroundings a lot more. All that to say, it will be hard to pause the apps at first, but it will bring you a lot of peace.

[DiscordReply]

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, it sounds like you have a fear of abandonment like me. I can relate 100% when you talk about ghosting people that you really want to hang out with. When someone doesn’t text right back or in the time you’ve decided that they should, it triggers a fear of abandonment (this is the #1 example by the way of this fear). We ghost so we don’t get hurt. We hurt first so we don’t get hurt. It’s a cycle and you can break it. There are lots of reasons why someone could be online for 2hrs and not answer your message. It’s not always because they don’t like you or are ignoring you. I’ve had to learn this myself and its not easy. I hope that you can find some peace. ~Mystrose

[DiscordReply]

From: lovecraft-pilled

Fear of rejection is something we all experience. It’s a rational fear that we all understand. Those facts notwithstanding, you cannot be truly happy unless you open up to other people. When one begins a relationship of a romantic nature, one assumes the risk of a broken heart. But at the end of the day, it’s worth it. The same goes with platonic relationships. If you don’t try, you will never know what could have been. My advice would be to take a risk. Put yourself out there. You don’t want to spend your life regretting the moves you never made. Do you want to take a leap of faith, or become old, filled with regret, waiting to die alone? Take the first step. It may be the best decision you’ve ever made.

[DiscordReply]

From: mictek

I think the most important thing here is your mental health my friend! If these things are stressing you out like this, it might be time to take some small breaks from this for just a bit… to see how it makes your brain react. Communication is the key also, so just remember to be honest with your people and always say what you feel when you are looking for an honest response. Don’t let others get you down either, you are a wonderful person here on this earth right now! Much love and light to you on your journey my friend!

[DiscordReply]

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, Thank you so much for your post, I can completely relate to the anxiety you speak of, I tend to ramble and just talk complete nonsense when dealing in rl with anyone, I am a wreck in social situations and its beyond frustrating. One on one conversation can get difficult when you don’t know what to say. Conversation is indeed an art. I was thinking about maybe you could go into something like our heartsupport twitch chat and take part in some conversations there? You could sit back and watch some taking place, you can join in with no pressure and type at your own pace, it could be great practice and its really enjoyable too. We have good fun on there. I don’t know if you have ever been? Ghosting people for fear of getting hurt can only ever last so long, you clearly want to get to know people and make friends so there is a point when you need to give people a chance so maybe this is the first step. I wish you luck and I truly hope you area successful. Id love to know how you get on. Much Love lisa. x

[DiscordReply]

From: Dr Hogarth

Hi there JusTea,

My goodness I can relate to this! My experience comes from being Autistic and finding it hard to move on if a conversation is left unfinished, which makes me very anxious. I also find opening up social apps very hard as I know their will be an out-pour of stuff I have to absorb and engage with and sometimes my head has no room for that. So, I leave it and leave it, knowing that the more I leave it, the more I might upset people and the more stuff there will be when I switch it on. I try and have fixed times that I check all my messages so they don’t build up too much, but that doesn’t make knowing what to reply with any easier.

From what you’ve written, I’m curious, does being on all these social apps bring you any pleasure, or do they just bring you anxiety? I’d think about that and whether you need to be on all of them. This constant cycle of stress sounds exhausting and I’m not sure how much you’re getting out of it. It’s okay to not be a big “people-person”; people need different amounts of social time.

I actually like your “meowing” technique, and if it helps deal with messages that are tricky to reply to, then I’m all for it! I’m sorry I can’t offer any techniques of my own as we’re in the same club when it comes to anxiety over messaging!

Oh, before I forget, … meow

[Just]

Hello friends, thank you for the replies.

To Rosie:

Uhh okay yeah I’ve begun to realise I might really have abandonment issues as Rosie said. I’ve been in a romantic relationship for 2 months now and in hindsight I really do exhibit really unhealthy symptoms, I tend to ask her the question of why does she like me, get a tad bit jealous when she talk about past crushes or exes , get annoyed when she uses her phone while being with me etc.

I even mentioned before that I thought she had better options out there than me, and she can always tell me if she doesn’t want me. But I guess she sees something in me that I don’t

Anyway that’s a topic for another time, coming back from that tangent, yeah I really do have a fear of abandonment, ill look into how to solve that. Thank you for the enlightenment Rosie

To Lisalovefeathers:

Yes, I’ve been in the heartsupport twitch before, I do lurk in there occasionally. Thats how I found this forum tbh. I will prob pick up the courage to speak soon, kinda shy and awkward and anxious to start a conversation

To DrHogarth:

I’m not on all of them, just WhatsApp and Telegram, WhatsApp is mostly for work tho, Telegram is sorta for games and other things. I don’t think I necessarily use them a lot, according to my phone I only got 180 notifications last week, I use it cuz its necessary haha.Meow.

To mictek:

Thank you for your kind words. I’ll do my best.

To lovecraft-pilled:

I absolutely agree, baby steps as my friend told me. Meow

Okay anxiety is kicking in lol.Bye