Some late night thoughts

sometimes I feel like all of my friends could leave and I’d be okay with it. I don’t know if that’s normal to think, but I feel like most of my friends aren’t there most of the time. They don’t really want me there. I know that it’s not true to think that, but it crosses my mind a lot.

I’ve been doing better at practicing Christianity, and really sticking to my morals. I can feel myself really growing and maturing and I love it, but my roommate gets in the way of that. My roommate has a HUGE cussing problem (and I know that’s not that big of a deal, but she cusses in every other sentence and it just gets old), she drinks, smokes, everything. I try to stay focused on school and getting closer to God, but she makes it so difficult. She constantly is judging me, making me feel uncomfortable, and I know I’m gonna have to get used to people being in my space, cuz college, but still, she just makes it difficult to focus on things that I’m trying to grow in.

It always makes me so sad that I can’t make everyone happy. I try so hard to be positive for others, and be there for them and try to make their day, but it just doesn’t work. I just don’t know what to do or say to be there for people. I feel like I’m no help, and I don’t make people feel better.

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Thanks so much for entrusting us with your late night thoughts.

It’s interesting that you’re able to identify those thoughts about your friends and parse which ones are true from which ones are false. Just verbalizing (or writing) that down helps you bring clarity to those internal thoughts…when they’re left in your head, it’s hard to tell up from down, truth from lie, and you can start to act from a place of believing something that isn’t true and feel more lonely or more stuck or more negative than you need to because that lie is running your life. Great practice for you to continue to get these thoughts onto paper or share them with others because you can choose to believe the truth once you realize something’s not helpful.

Sounds like a difficult situation with your roommate because you’re headed in one direction and it feels like someone’s just trying to side-swipe you from your own progress, your own mental and spiritual health…like the better you get the more she’s trying to drag you down…feels really toxic and sad, and you don’t want to be around her if she’s going to continue to be a drag for your progress.

In this situation it might be helpful to not just think about the morals of Christianity, but the principles…The greatest commandments aren’t, “Be moral, and insulate yourself from anyone who’s immoral”…the greatest commandments are, “Love God with all you have, and love your neighbor as yourself”…everything else flows from that. Morality is intended to support selflessness…if you’re immoral, the point isn’t about “being immoral”, the point is that it damages you and your heart and your soul and drives you deeper into self-centeredness, which spirals into more damage and pain for you and others…the point of being moral is to not cause damage to yourself…SO THAT you can love others and love God because you aren’t having to spend so much of your time and energy focusing on yourself.

In this case, loving your roommate can actually be the pinnacle of your morality! It can be the best part of making positive choices…it’s the GOAL of your morality, to love others in a deep and selfless way. So, how can you, in an effort to progress forward in this space that you’re in, love this roommate of yours?

Lastly, sounds like a lot of weight that you’re carrying on your shoulders. Who told you that you’re responsible for making everyone happy?

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