I able to relate on that. I have been physically, sexually, emotionally and mentally abused since I was conceived. My birth mother did hard drugs before, during and after the pregnancy and I was born addicted to meth. She was always strained on drugs to the point that I overdosed on her medication 9x the amount an adult would need to overdose on at age 3 then at age 4 I was sexually abused by a “family friend” while she went on a drug run. I was then finally taken away from her and almost went into fostercare but my grandparents took me (my father’s parents). Fast forward 4 years… My dad finally came back from deployment and had a new wife which is now my stepmom. We moved away from my grandparents to another state and things got worse. They would drink and get into physical fights and its hard being 9/10 years old seeing your father hit your stepmom but trying to stay calm because you have 2 younger siblings who are crying too. We stayed in that state for 3 years and in those 3 years I was sexually assaulted 3 times and physically abused multiple times by my stepmom. Then we moved again and I wasn’t getting sexually abused anymore but the physical abuse got worse and I was going to school with bruises and acting out. This was around middle school so 6/7th grade. I finally had enough of it and tried ending my life in 6th grade and was sent to a mental hospital for suicidal ideations. That didn’t change anything at home. They said I was acting out due to my abandonment from my biological mother. We finally moved after 2 years back to where my father’s parents live around my 8th grade year and the sexual abuse began again except the first time was my cousin then a “friend” of mine. Nothing has ever happened to any of the people who have hurt me I am just stuck with the pain.
But what I really want to tell you is that I am happy that you have a happy caring family now, because in 9 days I will be 17 but it will also be almost 3 years that my father has been cheating on my stepmom. They have been officially split up for the past 2 months and now I feel like both of my parents have abandoned me. My biological mother chose drugs over me and my father chose another woman over his own child.
It is very brave of you to share all of this. Your story matters. And I’m deeply sorry you’ve been through all of those painful experiences. I can only imagine that maybe you’ve been feeling like holding your breath for too long.
I understand, with all my heart, how much abuses, physical, emotional, sexual, feel like parts of ourselves were stolen away. Some parts of your own story resonate with mine. But I also deeply believe that restoration starts from the moment you share about your personal story. You did the right thing by sharing, and I’m glad you allowed yourself to do so.
None of what you described was your fault. Not when it happened and not now. You suffered for a long time of others behavior, choices, violence. You didn’t have a say on it. But it will never define you, your worth, nor who you are as a person. I’m glad you’re part of HeartSupport. It’s been a healing place for me and I hope you will find here the support and love you deserve.
Know that you are loved, friend. And you are beautiful as you are.
You matter. Your existence is a gift to this world.
holy shit you didnt get carried away! Thats some insanely horrible shit you have gone through that was out of your control!
My 2 cents is you need to make a life for yourself! and forget about your horrible mother who doesn’t deserve 2 seconds with you.Its a shame you wearnt able to stay with your grandparents but your dad would be 1st in line to be able to have you, As for him, I would try and move out and make a life for yourself as soon as you can! Not worth staying around a man who feels its fine to hit a woman. That is no role model to be around, Before you know it you will be in a relationship and think its fine your bf is hitting you! oh hell no! You need to ditch all these apes and get the fk out of there. Course you can go see ur dad for occasions and stuff but at least you will have an outside perspective on life and be able to distance yourself accordingly.
If you ever find yourself in a situation you feel aint right get out!, None of this is normal, don’t grow up thinking its okey for this to be happening cus it has happened to you. If anything learn from what you have been through and aim to make a life for your kid the right way with the right person who would never lay a hand on you! Life is long and you have plenty of time to find the right person and the right place you want to be
