Something New and Scary

I’ve been really thinking about me lately and I’m starting to feel a lot more comfortable with they/them pronouns rather than she/her. It’s taken a lot of thinking and a lot of tears were shed when I finally came to this conclusion. My mother’s side of the family didn’t react well to me coming out regarding my sexuality. I’m terrified what they’ll say if I tell them I feel more comfortable using they/them pronouns. I don’t even know how my father’s side will take it. Sure, they were fine when I first came out, but, even so, that doesn’t mean they’ll be nearly as accepting when it comes to pronouns and things. I’m scared they’re gonna find out and something bad will happen. I’m even more scared now than I was when I was questioning my sexuality. Just to be 1000% sure of this I asked a good friend of mine if he would talk about me, as if talking to another person, using they/them pronouns when addressing me in conversation. It felt really, really nice. Then, I had him do the same thing using she/her pronouns and it didn’t feel as good. So then it got me thinking. I asked other friends to do that and the results were the same. This confirmed it. I even talked about myself in the third person and when I used they/them for myself it felt a hell of a lot better than she/her. I’ve been slowly changing my pronouns in my bios since I know my family doesn’t read my bios on social media. I’m scared. I feel like I’m gonna be told I’m just a little girl who doesn’t know anything about herself. I’m scared that I might get shunned or told to get over it. I don’t want to be scared, but I also don’t know what’ll happen if I come out as non-binary to my family. Calling myself non-binary feels freeing almost and that’s terrifying.


Sexuality is very confusing thing in gender. Society was very use too, two gender and one sexuality. Things have got better, cause we start to see the shade of gray. As straight guy, I can relate to questioning sexuality and gender roles. I feel that I a lot more females trait, than male traits. Also being a virgin, I’m feel Shame not doing manly thing and getting girls.

Point trying to make is that thier nothing wrong with you and everyone struggle with this issue one way or other. Cause society made silly rules that are black and white, not trying see the gray. It good you recognize who your are as person. It terrifying cause people don’t know how to accept people at times. They don’t see thier own shadow and take out on people who are different.

It awesome you came out, showing who you are, cuase some people don’t have courage to do. Also you a set free you don’t have apply to gender roles and express yourself. Again we know that some genders rules are made by society. I feel we both male and female traits. Non-bairy makes alot sense to people and it good that people see who they truly are and their nothing wrong with it.

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From: Ash (Discord)

Dearest Sarahtheproud as you name puts it you should be proud of yourself for coming to the terms that you are non-binary that is not an easy thing to do and to me it sounds like it took you awhile to even come to it but you are sure of it. I am so sorry that even that idea of the fear of telling your family is that scary. I personally have been there and feared the fear of my mom or someone finding out. I will not lie mine did find out and it wasnt the best but that is a rare case. If your family loves you as much as it seems they do than they should realize that they arent loosing that child. I know that is a common reason parent react because they are scared that oh look I lost my baby girl. Thats what my mom kind of said to me. But what you feel is valid. NEVER NEVER EVER stop believing you are valid for the identities you hold. You are so much more than words or labels. I want to remind you that ya that fear is real but it doesnt define you if they accept it or not. If they do YAY if they dont than you have an entire team of loved family members standing wide open ready to help and to fight for you. I know if you ever need to talk about this stuff I am here. I will be that guide. I am trans and went through steps like you did to know it was me. It takes feeling that need to do so that is good for us. But the fear not so much. Think of it more as if you are telling them a bad grade prepare for the bad but also dont focus on that as it will just make it worse on you.

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From: Night/in/gale (Discord)

Hey there Sarah! I’m sorry to hear it’s a bit of a stressful experience, but I am glad your friend is willing to give a helping hand! Telling parents things is always a difficult challenge, especially when it comes to something that is so fundamental to who you are. It’s not quite on the same calibre, but telling my parents I was feeling depressed was terrifying to me, as I didn’t know how they would react. Both of them had made it clear years ago that they didn’t really believe in depression as a thing, rather just the typical teenager going through a hormonal imbalance. This meant that I just couldn’t bring myself to telling them because I was scared they would reject me or be disappointed, and that in turn that would lead to me being ignored and looked down upon. They didn’t take it very well at first, but after I sat down with them and (with great difficulty) explained to them what had been causing me to feel this way, they became a bit more open to it. Parents are humans to, and it takes time to register and process certain things, especially if it’s something they don’t really relate to. But I can tell you that getting it off your chest will be such a stress reliever, even if the response isn’t great. And if it isn’t, give them a bit of time and then maybe try and talk to them about it again at some later date. It can be surprising how opinions change after the spur of the moment reaction is over. Good luck! Stay strong and stay safe! You are much loved by everyone here, and feel free to let us know how the situation evolves. You and who you are are valid, and no one should make you feel otherwise.

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From: Micro (Discord)

Hey Sarah. I can’t even begin to express how much I am glad for you that you are being more and more aware of who you are and how you feel regarding pronouns. On the other hand, I hear you about your family, and I imagine how heartbreaking it is to realize something so important, something that makes you feel you, yet being afraid of sharing it because it could have some negative outcomes. It’s only recently that I’ve personally came to the conclusion that my own experience regarding genders is defined by one word: genderfluid. And it’s only through HeartSupport that I’ve realized that pronouns might be more important to me than I thought at first. Since my own experience tends to change, I never really now which pronoun to indicate to others, so I tend to be okay with everything. However, this is a freedom I allow myself to have online, because I know my partner and my family would have a hard time to understand. So few people are educated about these realities, and so many people see it through the lens of stigmas. It’s incredible to see more and more people sharing their own experiences, but it’s also heartbreaking to see that this is still a cause of rejection, hatred and grief. So I want you to know that beyond your fears and through the uncertainties that this awareness brings right now, you are still you, your world is still the same, and you’ll still be loved right here the same way. You can’t control your parents reactions, but at best you can try to help them learn and educate themselves, if they’re willing to understand. However, none of their attitude, words or reactions would ever define you, your worth or your right to be loved. You are wonderful as you are. And you will ALWAYS have people right here who will understand and will welcome you with open arms. I too am afraid to talk about it in my life, but find a lot of comfort in knowing that there is this online fam’ where I can be myself without any judgment. Thank you for sharing once again your story and being brave. Your words are inspiring, and I hope with all my heart that it’s going to be okay with your parents. We love you. <3

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