Hi everyone, sorry I haven’t been around. I’ve been trying to bury everything and it has worked for a short time but I can feel myself imploding. My health and sleep have fallen dramatically. I’ve lost 30 lbs. In the last 5 weeks and I’m back to only sleeping about 3 hours a night and even then its broken sleep. I don’t know what’s going on with me now. I just feel broken. I’m ashamed of myself for letting myself fall so far. I’m not sure if I can get actual help. I don’t have time for everyone in my life and I feel terrible about that but I’m doing everything I can. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. I’m stretching myself so thin that I’m about to snap. I don’t want to end up in the hospital again I can’t afford it. I could lose my job if I do. At this point I would rather end up in the ground, at least then I could get some sleep. I’m terrified that I’m going to let someone down or make them mad that I don’t have time. I’m terrified that I’m going to relapse again. I feel like I’m in that dream where youre screaming but no sound is coming out. Like I’m breathing but I’m not getting any air. Like I’m falling and about to hit the ground just stuck in that exact moment before you wake up just perpetually stuck there. What do I do?! I can’t anymore. I just don’t have the energy to do this. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry things are so hard. Have you tried to take any sleeping meds. Magnesium powder calmed calm sleep has helped me to get sleep and doesn’t make me groggy. I’m praying for you and rooting for you. You matter. Your health matters. You deserve help. You deserve to take care of you. You matter more than you know. I’m sorry things are so hard. It was really brave of you to reach out and shows that even part of you wants help. I hope you can get the help you deserve and start to find peace.
it seems you need to visit a doctor as soon as possible. have you ever gone to one because of this? and if so what did he or she diagnose?
whether you can afford it or not, if going to hospital is the best solution for you then go for it.
have a word with your owner or H.R about your situation and they should sympathise.
please excuse me if i have no idea of your situation at the moment.
Hi, friend. It’s good to see you. Don’t apologize for not being around more. It’s okay. We all come and go as we need and as we can. Sometimes it’s hard to be social or extra involved when we are struggling. So it’s okay.
I’m sorry that you are having a hard time right now. Sounds like you could use some love my friend. I don’t know how to resolve what it is you going through right now, but I want you to know that we love and care for you. When you are here, you reach out and offer such kind words to people and that helps more than you know. Even if you haven’t done it in a while, I have appreciated your presence in this community and it saddens me to see you are having such a hard time.
Take a moment for yourself my friend to allow some self care. Meditate. Yoga. Take a walk. A hike. Anything that feels good to you that can serve as a healthy release. I know they don’t always fix the probelms at hand but it’s a good way to refresh your mind when you are struggling.
We are always here for you Coyote. When you need a friend. The streams. Discord. The wall. No matter what it’s open to you.
If you worry you may relapse, reach out on the discord okay? Or here. Let us love and support you through it.
You are loved.
Thank you @DearKoyangi @tppn @Fashionlover0191, thank you for being here for me. Thank you for trying to pick me back up. Thank you for all of your kind words and all of your support. You are wonderful people. I am still struggling but I’m trying to cope. I finally broke down and went to the mental health clinic in my area and submitted my application so hopefully I get approved because I have realized that I can’t do this alone. Thank everyone here for helping me to realize that maybe I do need help and that I can’t do this alone. I am so tired of hurting and it’s about time I try. Ever since my wife passed I haven’t been the same. I haven’t been me. I’ve had this giant gaping hole inside me and haven’t been able to figure out how to mend it. But I want to try , I need to try.
Thank you all for hearing me. Love you all
I would also like to thank @Danjo I have your drawing on my wall and look at it multiple times a day. It gives me some of what I need to get through my day. Again thank you all
wishing you all the best for the application!
I am so glad that you got the help you need. Glad you took this step. It’s really huge and important. I didn’t know about your wife. Im so sorry for you lost and can’t imagine the pain you are in. My heart aches for you. I hope that this will be a good experience and you can get the help you deserve. You are worthy and are enough. I’m always rooting for you even if I don’t come on here as often anymore.