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Sorry for this

nothing like a family gathering to remind yourself that you are not on the right path… that you should be further in life and the stuff you’ve achieved isn’t good enough… that you should be dating or have at least an apartment to call home… can’t help but look around the room to realize that probably none of these people will really miss me if I’m no longer here…
I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help to think this way… sorry

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Hey,
Don’t be sorry. You’ve got a rough hand, and it’s hard to play that hand. Maybe they wouldn’t miss you, and if that’s the case, they’re missing out, and that really says something awful about them as people. And why aren’t you on the right path? I mean, is there really a “right” path? As long as you have an overall goal, and you try to work towards it, I’d say you’re on the right path for you and that’s that. Don’t let anybody set your path for you, set it for yourself.
I’m here if you need to talk one on one. Feel free to message me.

Stay strong ; you are loved :slight_smile:
~Danny

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I feel the same. I left to go travelling For 2 years and now I come back I feel like I’ve come back to nothing! And everyone has moved on with there lives and achieves or have their own families etc. But when I take a step back and think… I’ve also achieved something massive. Something they haven’t. Just because I’m not doing what they’ve done doesn’t mean I’m any less worthy. In fact I am more worthy for doing something different. Please tell me what you’ve done because I bet you have achievements you should be proud of. There is no right or wrong way to live your life. And even if you haven’t got any achievements, I bet you’re still doing something different to make people proud. Keep doing as you’re doing because you should feel proud of yourself in a different way to them x

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thanks for responding…
I think that I am also seeing myself as a failure to my own standards… like I’ve always thought I would have a job, a relationship and that kinda stuff when I would be the age I’m now… but I don’t have any of that… I’m still studying for a workfield that isn’t even secure and it’s not known if I will get a job in there… Like sure… maybe there are things that I can be proud of… but it’s not like I can build on it from there… every time I have to proof myself again… And not just to the outside world…
but tbh… the thing I’m most scared about is just ending up alone and being stuck and left behind by everyone around me…

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okay… so right now I’m just going down a little spiral down… and it’s going to a scary, dark, need to hurt myself part… fuck…

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Hi friend.

I battled so much of this with my own family. It always felt like I was being compared to other family members. Especially my cousins. I didn’t go to college like some of them did. I struggled in school. I didn’t have children. People, whether it’s family or our general society try to pin it on us that we are expected to be what everyone around us wants us to be. They tell us what we should be doing, when and where. And honestly it’s not true.

You are you and that is okay. It’s okay to not be going at the same speed as everyone else. It’s okay to not be doing the same thing as everyone else. And it’s okay if what you want for yourself isn’t what everyone else thinks you should want or do.

It’s hard not to think those dark thoughts when it feels like those around you don’t support you and put rough expectations on your life. But you matter. Your dreams matter. And the things you want for your own life and for you matters.

I’m sorry people suck my friend. I care. You have a friend here that supports you. Feel free to reach out in discord. :heart:

  • Kitty
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Heart support has a lot of resources that might be handy to you. https://heartsupport.com/resources/
You should see if any of these thing maybe could work? A copy of “ReWrite” is a great thing to look into as it’s a guide and work book for those who struggle with self harm.

Please don’t hurt yourself friend. You are important and matter. These feelings are valid but it won’t help your struggles get better by hurting yourself. :heart:

Stay strong sweet friend

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@miffy,

I hope you managed not to hurt yourself. You only deserve love and kindness. :heart:
Please never be sorry for sharing. It’s about you, your life, so it is important.

Let’s speak honestly: family can be such a burden. I know you already shared about this in other topics and we talked about this. But gosh, I wish they could allow you to breath. You don’t need any of this.

It’s so hard to battle against negative criticism expressed by others. In fact, it can easily be transformed as a weapon for our self-criticism voices. Which is really, really harmful. When it’s about life achievements, there’s no “should” or “should not”. Your life, your goals, your progresses are yours. Of course, we need some criterias to actually see our progress. But when it comes to make you think that you won’t be missed if you’re not longer here then it’s not the right criterias.

Your personal achievements should remain a source of motivation and inspiration to you. But never something that makes you question your own worth. Because who you are, your own value, goes beyond your achievements or your failures. The only person you should compare your progress with is you! But again, in a kind way and constructive way. You don’t need those critics from your family if it’s not helpful. Just focus on this question when someone judge you: is it something that is meant to help you to progress or is it said to make you feel bad/is it disrespectful? If it’s in the second category, then try not to take them into account. Everything that prevents you to grow at your own pace, that makes you feel bad about yourself, can be put aside. You just don’t need this. :wink:

Also I’d like to ask, is it really your own standards to think about having a job, a relationship etc. at your age? I mean, it sounds like something pretty common in our societies to think that we have to accomplish all of this at a certain age, otherwise it would be too late or we would be considered as failures. There’s a lot of social pressure around the idea of having a job and a family. But those standards are general ideals and it’s not taking into account the fact that every life is a different journey. Is it that easy to find a job nowadays? Is it that easy to find a job when you struggle with depressing thoughts and self-confidence? Is it that easy to find someone and keep a relationship during a long time? No. So I’m not saying those life goals are not great, not at all. And I won’t ever allow myself to judge others goals. I just wanted to emphasize the fact that it’s not always that easy and we also need to take into account how reality is. Otherwise there’s a risk to be unfair with ourselves.

You can be proud of who you are and you can build something from what you have. Progressively. That’s only my point of view, but I think we’re never entirely out of resources. Okay, you’re in a workfield that is insecure. But you’re aware of this, so you’ll be able to find ways to seek for this security that could be needed over time. You will be more vigilant towards the opportunities that may arise at any time in your life. There are a lot of things that happen in life and we didn’t expect it. Who knows what you will be doing in a month, in a year and more? :wink: When I started to study, I chose anthropology. When I say this, people tend to look at me weirdly like “what is this?”. :sweat_smile: So at first I was really stressed about the idea of finding a job. But I progressively decided to do something after that, something additional and I had the opportunity to try a graduation for social working. Those two formations happen to be absolutely complementary and I don’t regret my first choices anymore. But when I just started those studies, I had no idea where I would be now. In fact, I didn’t really know where I wanted to be either.

So all of this is just my personal point of view and I hope it doesn’t sound judgmental because that’s not my intention. I just want to encourage you as you need to see how beautiful you are right now. :heart:

You’re gonna be okay, friend. I’m really sorry your family is adding so much negativity in your life. And again, I hope you’ll manage to stay a bit away from them because they tend to be really toxic to you. You’re doing great, no matter what. You are enough and you have worth just by being you. :heart:

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