Back to heartsupport

Soul broken because of rape


#1

I dont really know how write about my stuff but there is too much to take for me. I have always been super lonely because Im not the girl who goes shopping and to parties every day and that was the first thing making me sad. When I thought new school gave me some friends and stuff to be happy about, also a boyfriend, he abused and raped me many times. That was the moment when I lost even the last control in my life and when I needed something to control I started controlling my eating and ended up having eating disorder but thats somehow under control now. Anyways I am still super sad, depressed and having suicidal thoughts, also self harmed couple of times. Parents doesnt know about most of my stuff but they know I am very depressed and because of me being constantly sad my mom ended up throwing me out. I am super lost with my life right now and I dont see any reason to keep going. I dont know what to do, I even tried to talk with a therapist but they told me to try cutting. On that time I was smart enough and I didnt do it but ended up trying it later anyway. I am a small streamer and when I make a new friend through a stream they leave because “I am too sad to talk with”. Whats the point of living anymore?


#2

Hey friend.
I’m so sorry about what has happened to you. You don’t deserve this. No one does. There is purpose for your life. I’m so sorry that other people couldn’t see your worth and dignity because honey, that is something you are clothed in. God has a plan for your life, Hes been thinking and planning your life since the beginning of time. There is purpose. It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to hit rock bottom because now you can only go up.
I’m not the one whos super duper into shopping either or goes to parties. And that’s okay. theres nothing wrong with that. You have your own unique desires, dreams, feelings, and thats cool! That’s totally fine!
Friend, there is purpose, i’m gonna put these lyrics from a song by Fit for a King. I’m praying for you friend. Things will get better, i promise. Keep going, we believe in you. God believes in you. <3

“Wait for something more. And pray for this new day. Wait for something more and pray.
….know that you were made for so much more. Theres something to live for.”

Heres the song if you wanna listen to it!


#3

#4

Hey… Im so sorry for everything… I admire you so much for being so strong and using this platform to share your problems. Fren, i believe in you, you will overcome depression and self harm. You deserve to live an amazing life. Those people who have wronged and violated you will be put to shame, eventually. Please do not lose hope. I will be praying for you. If you need to talk im here.


#5

Thank you both I really appreciate that.


#6

Hey friend,

Man, stepping into your story for a second, I feel sad with you…to feel like you had so much hope and excitement coming to this new school only to get totally betrayed and abused and then abandoned by this terrible ex…to be taken advantage of, to have something stolen from you, to have your control – or whatever you had left of it at the time – ripped out of your hands…feels like you were robbed and your house was burned down…especially because the aftermath of that eventually led to your mom actually kicking you out of the house…you’re grasping for help and went to the place most people recommend (therapy), and they had a fucking ridiculously stupid suggestion…something that is going to harm you more than help you, and you fought to make healthy decisions, but honestly, it just felt like what’s the point? It feels like you were good at school and then that got destroyed…you were safe at home and then got kicked out…safe at therapy and then offered a razor blade…gosh, dude…feels like there’s this trend of finding a place to settle down and then getting uprooted over and over…feels like you’re wandering looking for a place to call home…even on your stream, looking for friends, for people to call “home”, and it feels like they just leave as soon as you get settled in the relationship…you’re tired of finding places only to have the rug ripped out from under you…you’re wondering how you can find the strength, the hope, the purpose to get up again.

Man, I gotta say – I’m so sorry that you’ve faced pain and rejection after pain and rejection…it’s so brutal. I remember a similar point in my life when I lost all of my friends, felt like I failed my sports team, like I was rejected at home, and all I had was my video games to take my thoughts away from just how damn lonely I felt…I felt like there was no one in the world that cared that I was drowning…I was lucky that a friend eventually invited me to play in his band at church because I found a group of people that finally and genuinely cared…it really changed my life to find that group of people that loved and cared…

I know that you can find those type of people on our Discord, if you haven’t already joined, here’s the link: https://discord.gg/heartsupport

You aren’t alone – I’ve been in a similar spot…and so has…well…just about everyone in this community. Thank you so much for trusting us with your pain and reaching out. You’re invited, take another step with us <3 You can DM me in Discord, user name is NateHilpert


#7

I was ok at school until depression ruined my brain and motivation. When I was supposed to practise for my final exams in high school no matter what I tried I wasnt able to remember anything and when I failed or got a bad grade my family knocks me down telling I didnt try.
Im scared to get to know people because there is no one left from my past so basicly first thing I tell to new person is no worries I know you will leave.
I havent rly got a home in couple years, when my parents broke up my dad moved away but I still had the home I lived basicly all my life in. Then my mom sold the house and I kept jumping between my dads and moms house.
Ended up being in a point where I wasnt able to get up from bed and my mom ended up yelling at my face because Im so lazy and I dont do anything or I dont try to get better and now it ended up getting kicked out and told I am not welcome before I go back to normal… I just dont feel like there is nothing I can do. I tried to do things I loved, talked with therapist, talked with people who wanted to help I tried all I can but all that made it worse because everyone left and therapist told me to cut. If Im not even good enough to my mom as I am right now i will never be good enough to anyone.


#8

Hey friend,
I’m so so sorry you had to face this, you didn’t deserve any of this. I know exactly what it feels like to try so hard but to always have it thrown straight back at you but what you have to remember is you are so much more than what they say. You’re best is you best and if that’s not good enough for them they’re not worth your time.

I understand that right now you feel like you have no way out and it all feels pointless but don’t give up now when you’ve come so far! You are so much stronger than you know. Keep talking to people who are trying to help and keep doing the things you love hopefully you will eventually feel them getting through the walls you’ve built up to protect yourself. Find the thing that keeps you grounded, whether that be a person, an object or even music, just find something to grasp.

I would suggest going to another therapist or trying a different type of therapy, there are so so so many different types of therapy maybe something a little different from your generic therapy session may help?

I know you can’t see it right now and I’m just another person on the internet but you ARE WORTH IT! You will always be worth it, unfortunately as humans we never seem to be able to see our own worth.

Your mom just doesn’t understand your position right now, I imagine she’s never been through what you have. I know it’s horrible and I too would be extremely upset if my mum kicked me out, but she does care she does care she just hasn’t got he best way of showing it.

I’m so sorry friend,
I hope some of this helps
Hold fast,
Luna :heart:️


#9

Thanks Luna. I try all the time to talk with people but at the end of the day Im alone and the people left from my side. About my mom caring I dont know… couple years ago she told straight to my face I was an accident and how she wanted to kill herself while she was pregnant. That made me super sad and suicidal and made me think I ruined a persons life so why not to make it easier now and kill myself?