I’m addicted to porn and I absolutely hate myself for it. I’m disgusting. I’m a Christian but a failure.
Porn is such a dragon, man…it feels so impossible to slay…and when you try and fail, you end up burnt and then look at yourself in the mirror and feel even more disgusted at the reflection than you did previously.
I’ve been in recovery for 8 years and am still fighting to find my sobriety. I have experienced so much shame about trying and still failing.
But one of the things that I recently talked to God about is that I came to the realization that my recovery isn’t actually about success. My recovery is about the story that God is writing in my life. God has the ability to heal me at any point, and He hasn’t yet even though I’ve asked for so long…and I think it’s for conversations like these to tell you bro, you’re not alone in this. But there is hope. And the life you want to live is available, it is possible, and you can find it.
God made me a promise that I want to extend in faith to you. He promised me in May of 2017, “I will lead you out.” He gave me the image of the Israelites backed against the Red Sea and they had NO OTHER WAY except for God to come through. That’s the image He gave me about my recovery. He will lead us out.
If you’re looking for a good resource, the recovery program I’m in is called 7 Pillars of Freedom by Pure Desire Ministries. They have a group finder on their website where you can try to find groups that are in your area (Conquerors Group or 7 Pillars). If there is one, you should definitely go. If you need help figuring this out you can reach out to me personally – [email protected]
Love you friend. I believe in you and in us, and as we step out of the darkness together, we will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
First I want to say welcome to the community, and I’m so glad you are here and part of this community. I want to remind you that you are loved and welcomed here despite whatever you are going through, and you are never alone, and specifically in this struggle you are not alone!
There’s two things I want to have you look at:
Still struggling myself I believe I am a failure
I’ve posed as someone who’s got it together for…a long time, ever since I started taking on a real role at HeartSupport. I started to believe this lie: if I’m going to help others, I can’t let them know I struggle too. But the truth is I’ve continued to struggle with an addiction to porn. Though I’ve put earnest effort towards freedom, I’ve spent the past few years fighting this alone. Here’s what it’s been like for a long time: Struggle, relapse, feel terrible, confess to a friend or my wife…
^^ These two things from Nate, one of the staff members here at heart support is what started me on my journey of healing and freedom from my addiction to pornography (that I’ve struggled with for going on three years now). So not only is this a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles, but also that we see you, and people in this heart support family struggle with this as well.
I feel like I’m stealing Nate’s thunder here, but a lot of the advice I’m giving you is the same advice he gave me. So here it goes, first you need to stop focusing on days clean from this and start desiring freedom. What this doesn’t mean is that you should continue to watch porn until you’re free from it, rather the desire for freedom from this addiction is what we should want and long for. “Recovery is a 2-5 year process with a miracle from God everyday.” I’ve heard this a million times and it’s so true, recovery is a process and is not going to happen overnight.
The next thing that’s been really helpful for me is journaling, I’m pretty sure this model came from the 12-Steps Program but I may be wrong. But most of the time when relapse occurs (with any addiction we go through these things), and it’s called the FASTER Scale
F- Forgetting Priorities
S- Speeding Up
T- Ticked Off
So in my time journaling I go through these things, and I journal these everyday whether I relapse or not. And see what got me to relapse, and if I don’t relapse what stopped me from relapsing that day. I hope that this is an encouragement to you. And I just want to remind you that you are not alone! I want to leave you with one of my favorite verses, and I hope that it encourages you!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
p.s.- I encourage you to read this amazing blog that Ben Sledge (the executive director of Heart Support) wrote about pornography: https://www.benjaminsledge.com/generation-porn-god-loves-sex-free-people/
Also the Nate I’m speaking about is the one that posted above! You are not alone my friend.