I’ve started to give up with trying to fix my mental health and my health. Every time i try to fix it i just make it worse for me an my family and friend since they have to deal with my dumb crap i’ve done to myself.
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Hey friend,
Not so long ago, you posted on the Support Wall about being proud of yourself for reaching out to your friends, and being reminded that you have people willing to support you. For what it’s worth, I was personally super proud of you too when I read your post, and I still am proud of you today for reaching out as you do.
You are not alone. Healing takes time and is certainly not linear though. There are moments during this process when we feel discouraged from moving on. During these times, we’re likely to be very judgmental with ourselves and feel like a massive failure or a burden, while we’re not. It’s okay to feel like giving up at times, but it’s also important to be patient and kind to yourself, as much as possible, especially when you feel vulnerable like now.
You mentioned that you make it worse to the people around you every time you try to fix yourself. Do you have a practical example of this? Did something happen recently to make you feel that way? Or is it more a general feeling? If you’d like to share a little more, I’m willing to listen, friend. When we feel defeated, it’s important to talk about it and distinguish what is objectively right from what belongs to our feelings, which are not always our best adviser. That’s why this place exists, why we are here as well. To lift each other up and make sure we act out of fundamental truths, and not damaging beliefs about ourselves.
You matter, friend. 
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“ Do you have a practical example of this? Did something happen recently to make you feel that way? Or is it more a general feeling?”. Well something did happen recently i had a friend figure out that i went back to my old habits of starving myself an they are really worried about me since the last time i did it i was having very bad problems and it’s a general feeling i have.
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Well something did happen recently i had a friend figure out that i went back to my old habits of starving myself an they are really worried about me since the last time i did it
Makes sense, yes. You don’t want to make your friend feel stressed or worried about you. It’s hard when you are already struggling with something that’s likely to bring a lot of guilt, and then there’s also the realization that what you do is worrying someone you love.
However, the fact that your friend is worried about you is part of the love and care they have for you. Love is like a package that we accept entirely when we genuinely care about someone. It doesn’t stop once someone is struggling. We can’t stop feeling for the people we love and wishing the best for them, both through happy and difficult times. It’s not your fault, friend. That’s just how love is shown sometimes. If the roles were reversed, if your friend were starving themselves, you’d be worried too, yet at the same time you wouldn’t blame them for what’s going on. You would understand that your friend is going through a rough time, and you’d only want to support them. Well, you are deserving of the exact same love and care, friend. It may be hard to accept it because you’re in a vulnerable position, but I can assure that nothing wrong is happening. It’s all about love there.
If you’re comfortable with it, I’d like to encourage you to give a try to the following exercise:
https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/im-a-burden-to-others/15290/
It’s an interesting way to challenge this general feeling that you have and reframe your thoughts on this matter. Overall, it’s an invitation to take some time to reflect on this feeling and seek truth to hold on to.
Regarding the fact that you starve yourself again, do you receive any help for this? From your parents or a counselor for example? I know from experience that it can be really hard to prevent these habits to come back when we fight on our own. I had, and still have, struggled with eating disorders for a very long time, and I need to be really careful of it when I feel particularly depressed, sad or stressed. Relapses can happen during times of vulnerability. It’s overwhelming, but that doesn’t make you broken, friend. 
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“Regarding the fact that you starve yourself again, do you receive any help for this? From your parents or a counselor for example?”
no i don’t get help from a counsellor, my mom has just told me that to try a protein powder that i can’t have right now since it makes me sick.
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Alright. So your mom is 100% aware of the situation? Aka that’s it’s not just a lack of appetite but a conscious intention of starving yourself. Just trying to be sure if she’s aware of the difference, because you deserve to be supported for this, friend.
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Yes my mom is aware of this i told her a 2 weeks ago that i was starving myself.
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