Starting to question

Some of you might remember me - most of you probably don’t. Since I lost my job I’ve become someone irrelevant in this community (this isn’t a dig, just a statement of fact, brought on by my own doing)

But ever since I lost my job with heartsupport I’ve just been spiraling downwards and I don’t know what to do. Every small thing just destroys me and all I want to do is hide. I feel like my son deserves better, my husband deserves better. Everyone in my life deserves better. I don’t want to do anything. I googled last night if I could overdose on my anxiety medicine and I just can’t or don’t want to do this life anymore. I don’t know why I’m saying this anymore, but I think I just need to tell someone.

I miss you all more than words can describe. I want to change the past so much but I feel like the future is better without me anyway.

I only know how amazing that this community can be. I don’t need to be coddled or sympathized with. I just needed a place where my words can look and be real and I can contemplate them for a minute…

-The former hs_megan_


Hey @megan_xo,

I’ve only been involved with HeartSupport for a plethora of months so, I admit, I don’t remember you or your backstory as to why you lost your job with HeartSupport, but I’m terribly sorry to hear that happened.

You mentioned in your post that you don’t need to be sympathized, so I’ll stick with the following facts: Your son and your husband both love you unconditionally, and they would be devastated if anything happened to you. By describing something as unconditional, it means that the person doing or giving it does not require anything to be done by other people in exchange. Applying this to you, it means that you don’t need to do anything to earn the love from your husband and son. You deserve them, and vice-versa.

Please continue to reach out and update us on your situation. You’re strong. Remember that.


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Hey megan!! I know we dont know each other that well but we have been social media friends almost 2 years and I know that for sure you mean alot to your son and husband AND that nobody at heartsupport wanted to let you go. All of us miss you as well. You have helped so many of us. Reaching out is the hardest thing to do and you are so strong for doing so. I’m glad you did bc o feel this sometimes too but know it’s just feelings and doesn’t represent who you are.

Love you!



This honestly makes me tear up and I am so sorry you too have to fight this battle.

I’m proud of you for reaching out here. man your husband and son love you for who you are. They freaking love you. I really encourage you to talk to your husband about this. It is important to talk about.

If you did follow through with suicide your family would hurt- all the HS community would hurt. No one wants to see you gone. You are loved. You are alive and so very loved.

Hold fast.

With love,
Lyss(ur old pal Blurryface)


I always say sometimes you gotta get broken to get better. I think some people, myself included, complain a lot and our family or counterparts dont understand and it makes things worse. I try to sit back and count to 10 and try to feel better. Most of the time it works for me. I hope things get better soon.


I honestly didn’t think I’d get a single response and I don’t have a lot to say outside of thank you for caring. I’ve never really been in a place like this before so I didn’t think anyone would care, just figured they’d think I was complaining.

I appreciate those of you who came with words of love. It means more than you know.


@megan_xo I’m so so sorry. Your feelings are real. You’re not irrelevant in this community at all. Your family love you for who you are. I know it doesn’t feel that way, but you are more than good enough for your family. You are strong and you are here to help yourself. That’s amazing.

I have also looked to see if it’s possible to overdose on my anxiety/depression medication many times and when I found out they could - I headed straight for that packet. I’m so PROUD of you for not doing the same. I’m currently fighting for my life back against an addiction to prescription painkillers and today I had those thoughts. I was repeating over and over that I wasn’t good enough for anyone, that I was better off dead. I wanted to end it all. For HOURS I was just crying and screaming. The support of people from this community is what got me through today. You CAN fight this. The community will always be here for you, staff or not, you are important. You are loved. You’re not alone.
Also - THANK YOU. You are the reason the heartsupport streams happen and they have honestly saved my life. If it weren’t for those streams I really don’t know where I’d be. You’re not invauable. You are not irrelevant. You are amazing.

Hold fast.


Megan, I don’t know you but I hear your struggles and I relate a lot.
We may not have the same problems or even know each other but I KNOW that you are IMPORTANT. You are important whether or not you have a job. I know it may not seem like much, coming from a random stranger from the internet. But I feel the love that some have for you and I want you to know how much you are cared for.

Don’t let the struggles end what you are about. You seem like an incredible person. Wish I knew you in person. You are always welcome here because this place welcomes everyone. Im fairly new here and i’ve been met with such love and acceptance and I want to send you all of the love I have in my heart.
Your husband and son deserve you. For everything you are, they deserve YOU. Life deserves to have you in it.
Sticking through life when it feels like you don’t want to do life anymore is so HARD. I and so many others here struggle with this too, but we help each other see how beautiful life can be. Hang in there.

Hold fast Megan, we love you.


im sorry you are spiraling downwards, and im sorry your hurting , you are loved no MATTER WHAT ! your husband DISERVES you , your son DISERVES you . we want you to see you get better and please dont over dose . we need you. you are an amazing person no matter what. even if you dont have a job with heartsupport anymore , just come back and responding to support wall posts. we do appreciate you no matter what. you are loved friend! remember to hold fast and you’re worth it


You are amazing. so much love for you, that would lift anyone’s spirits. best Wishes… You Rock!


I love you. You made this community happen. That will never change. You’re one of the OG’s and everyone knows it! We are all here for you. AND we are all here because of you. keep your head up. :love_you_gesture:


You’re right Megan, I don’t know you. What I do know is that in my VERY short time in the stream (literally minutes) I see that you have a whole community that you have impacted in some way. You have left an impression. I also know that I too have a son, and a husband, that I once thought would be better off without me. Thoughts of when I could die and have my son be safe and my husband in a position to keep going. We hear you, some of relate to you, and most of all, we all know you are LOVED just by the things you have said. It might not be easier tomorrow or the next day, but it won’t always be this hard.


Hi Megan,

I want you to know how loved and how valued you are. You may not realize it but you’re special to a lot of people here and you are loved by a lot of people here.

When I lost my first teaching job, I had a lot of the same feelings you did. When i got a new job I felt like my kids deserved better or needed someone who was more capable. Was I a perfect teacher? Absolutely not. But I made my students laugh, and smile and grow. And I guarantee you when your little boy looks at you he doesn’t see flaws, he just sees his Mom who loves him and cuddles him and makes him laugh. Children are funny like that, they tend to see the best in us when we can’t see it ourselves.Your son deserves you and your son needs you.

I’m a firm believer that we’re in peoples lives for different but very purposeful reasons. You’re in the lives of other people because these people need you. You’re such a loving, beautiful and caring person Megan. As much as you have helped others(me included) let us help you now and remind you of that.

Much love,


You are awesome. And life is better with you in it


You saved my life, you put hope back into my life after years, literal honest years it being gone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your struggle because it lets me know I’m not the only one who has those thoughts and does those things. I love you and am grateful you are here.


Megan i know ive never talked to u or even been a part of this community i just came on here today… Ur message breaks my heart… Know that u r not alone… Im always here if u need someone… I know its hard feeling like u do but ur husband and ur son need u more than ull ever know. I’m sure ur an amazing person and this world wouldnt be the same w/o u. Hun im here … Hugs!!!


Megan. I suffered from similar things as I lost my job recently. I felt like I failed my dad and myself. I nearly fell back into the whole I deserve this montra (which is a lie) I’ve been so focused on taking care of everything that I forgot to do the same as myself. I have been feeling similarly as of late. Fear of the future, fear of change, fear of failure. I don’t know the solution myself but if you can take anything away from this is that what your feeling is normal. But when you hold yourself up to so high a standard than as you said everything is going to defeat you. You have to start to build yourself up again girl. I saw you respond to my Silent Planet stuff on Depthsposting and I knew who you were instantly. I’ve onot been in the community for a few months. Without you none of this would be even happening. I wouldn’t be in this community. Period. So don’t sell yourself short. Love you Megan.


Hey Megan,

I have missed seeing you around recently, but I understand that you need time to yourself after leaving HeartSupport, the organisation, but know you’re always welcome in the community and you are not forgotten EVER! Thank you for doing what you have done within heartsupport by bringing Danjo and Casers to the team, which has resulted in the Twitch stream if it wasn’t for that this community would be tiny compared to as it is now. and I won’t have found heartsupport and I would still be struggling with no one to talk to. Thanks Megan for everthing that you have done and are doing in the community you are loved and we’ll never forget you.

Love Adam,



I wish you hugs and love. We are here for you and we love you <3


I’m so happy to see that you’re still here with us. <3

What you have done for HeartSupport and this entire community cant be measured. You have literally saved lives. And it hurts to see that you’re still doubting if your own is worth saving.

I know the lies feel very real. The lies your head tells about how everyone deserves better than you. But I’m going to be 100% honest here - I don’t know what that could possibly be. With everything that you have done, the love and care you’ve shown to people you don’t even know, the way you’ve helped all of us. None of us could ask for anything better, cause there’s no way to top that. You’ve saved us. We will never forget that - please, don’t you forget it either.

Thank you. For everything. You’re loved and appreciated more than you can see. Hold fast friend. <3