Lately I have been feeling so overwhelmed with anxiety and having terrible mood swings. (I have Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder + Anxiety) I am on medication for multiple mental illnesses but lately I’ve been in self distrust mode. I’ve been crying so much and feel like I have no control over anything. I’ve been binge eating really bad and wanting to relapse with self harm. I’ve also struggled with drinking on and off and all I’ve been doing is thinking of ways to hurt myself. I am so disappointed in myself because I was doing pretty good and now I have ruined it.
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You haven’t ruined anything. Your title says it: You’re starting to slip. Recovery isn’t linear, and we all backslide from time to time. By confessing to others that you’re feeling pain and coping in unhealthy ways, you’re taking your first step to slowing the slide and starting your recovery again. Don’t give up. Rest if you need to, lean on others, or talk to your therapist, but know that this isn’t the end of anything. You know what it’s like to be healed, and that’s a gift because you know what you have to look forward to again. Take care and hold fast.
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Hi there @GrungeGirl,
I really second everything that @SheetMetalHead has said! Please, please know that you are not alone on this journey, and that you haven’t ruined anything and that healing and recovery take time. It’s good to hear that you’ve been letting your feelings out- truly, I believe crying has a place and it can be really important to let yourself feel. I think I can empathize wth the self-distrust mode, as I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder/Anxiety and have often second guessed myself time and time again. It’s okay to lean on those around you that you love and who love you, and just you posting here? That’s moving towards healing and recovery and is simply a testament to your courage and resilience. Don’t give up! We aren’t disappointed in you! We are so proud of you, and we’re going to keep supporting you on your journey. Also, if it is at all possible, please consider getting a hold of mental health professional! I know it may not be available as an option, but if it is, I think it could be really helpful in terms of coping strategies and making sure you don’t harm yourself. Please hold fast and know that you are loved, loved, loved. 
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You should listen to music and let its power flow in your mind.
Remember that you are a powerful being that is filled with love and can be loved.
You haven’t ruined anything. In recovery, relapses and set backs will happen. It’s a part of the process. As @SheetMetalHead said, you’ve taken the first step back into recovery by talking to us. That’s awesome and strong of you, and I applaud you for that. It’s not always an easy thing to do. Keep your eyes on the prize and keep talking to us. I believe in you.
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