i’m 16 months clean from self harm, yaaay… but i’m not really proud of it. well, i am. but, not really at the same time.
i’ve been itching to relapse and the feeling is starting to become so prominent again that i just wanna give in. i know i’ll most likely regret it, so i’m trying to stay strong but i don’t know how long i can keep it up anymore.
i just hate how, even after over a year, i still think about it almost every day. not even distracting myself is really working today, it’s exhausting.
edit; think i just lost a friend, too. we weren’t super close, so this isn’t really about him, but i am so goddamn tired of people leaving like i meant nothing at all to them — am i that easily discardable?? i said it didn’t bother me, but i lied. it does.
4 Likes
Hi there! To start, congratulations on being clean for 16 months! That is a HUGE accomplishment. I know it wasn’t easy to get there and I want you to know that I am proud of you. I wish you continued success in your journey!
Every once in a while, we all have battles, and we find ourselves ready to push from urge to action; but I hope you don’t.
I hope you found, will find, and continue to find a way to control the urge to self harm. YOU CAN WIN THIS BATTLE Please, don’t give up on yourself and your success so far!
You matter to the world, you matter to this group, and you matter to me. Friends will come and go but that it in no way dismisses who you are as a person. I’ve always believed that one person does not define who you are. YOU define who you are.
My words of wisdom, take a moment and step back, figure out who you are, what matters most to you in life, what you want from life, and what you desire in personal relationships. Me, I love to journal. Putting my thoughts down, pen to paper, helps me figure out exactly what I’m trying to say. Why does this bother me? Why does this have this impact on me? What would I want that’s different from what happened? How can I earn the desired outcome I want? Find the answers. From there, you can help formulate a plan to happiness from your answers.
You took a big leap today discussing this. That’s STRONG! That’s a sign of willingness to get better. Let yourself be proud of yourself! Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re amazing. This is hard work. Don’t give up. You’ve got this! 
5 Likes
Thank you for sharing your story with HeartSupport, and congratulations on your milestone; it is something to be proud of.
The urge to relapse is natural with any addiction; With self-harm, the reward is regaining lost control, making the desire feel even more vital. I am four years into SH recovery and still get the itch you describe. Use all the skills you have acquired over the past 16 months to help you fight the urge that is so prominent in your mind. If it helps, try focusing on the frustration you will feel having to reset nearly 500 days back to 1!
Of course, if you relapse, please don’t get too down on yourself; it can happen. Please ensure you are in a safe environment if you have no other option. Remember your care plan and have details of a nearby medical facility to hand, just in case.
You are doing great and should be proud of yourself and your progress along a difficult road.
3 Likes
From: ManekiNeko
I just want you to know that I am proud of you. The journey is hard and long and sometimes when we can’t feel that pride for ourselves, we have a community who will. I celebrate you. I celebrate all you’ve gone through.
my heart does go out to you in this moment of doubt and with struggling with those urges. It has to be hard too when a friendship ends. Even when we try to convince ourselves it doesn’t hurt, it’s okay to acknowledge the hurt. You as a person are not discardable. Maybe in this time in their life they are searching and travelling their own journey. Just know you have a community of friends here who care.
3 Likes
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hey Friend, I know you cannot decide if you are proud of yourself or not but 16 months, heck I cannot imagine that a single person here at heartsupport is not proud of you. That is amazing, I can understand that it is still very hard to keep from doing it which makes it even more wonderful that you are not. I am so sorry you and your friend have fallen out, you are not discardable, you have hundreds of people here that would never turn you away. You are a star and you are loved. xx
4 Likes
One Day Can Be Hard, and you have 16 months. That is incredibly hard, and inspiring.
Losing a friend can be very hard on emotions for me and triggering. I hope that you can stay strong, and remember that you have friends here too. <3
2 Likes
Hey, im dominic, and i wanna talk to you, kinda just check up on you make sure you’re still alright, just know, you aren’t discardable.
1 Like