Still Alive

Still Alive
Yes, I am somehow still alive. haha… i did try to kill myself :expressionless: But for some reason im just to lazy to do it. So instead of tht i just self harming whenever i feel like doing it. What I meant by lazy is its just it doesn’t change anything, both im alive and i die. so yeah basically i just feel the same but slightly better. But I’m still kinda questioning y am i was born if evryone would just gonna brag about having me in their life. Honestly, I really wanna get the heck outta here. It’s just I’m lost. Very lost. My mind is still unstable and I am still hot temper. Thinking about future and stuff worries me and jammed my brain. Well my Parents been bragging 'bout my future. It’s a pain in my butt. I just Don’t know yet! Why are they keep bragging about it?!

Parents and siblings:
Well yeah they are still the same and I understand their concern. Its just Im so tired with them. It’d be good getting a break without them near me. My siblings too, espiacially tht one little bitch who alway peeking on me wether i play games or studying. its hella annoying. Can they understand that i need a lot of space?! I just don’t need them to brag bot money, my attitude and stuff. I get it y they brag about money on me. its like im the one who’ve been using most of their money. Well that’s very shitty. Just a reminder to them in case one day they insist to go into my privacy and this forum, Remember that I barely ask u guys (parents) to buy me stuff. And also do u think its funny to read people diaries without my permission? Espiacially YOU u little brat bitch! (Little sis). And u (parents) brag about money, I understand very much our situation right now. I AM 17! I KNOW THAT. EVERYTHING WENT SO FAST! WHAT U SAYING MAKING FRIENDS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE IS MORE ENJOYABLE?! WELL F THT! That is the worst lie I’ve ever had! Well yeah I’m sorry for making this situation more difficult but I just want u people (my family) to know that I am fine ALONE! I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH STRESS, WORRIES AND MANY NEGATIVE STUFF ALONE! SO IDGAF ABOUT LIVING WITH PEOPLE ANYMORE! The only reason y i write in this forum is because I don’t trust my family. I dont trust any of u guys (family) on helping me. I DID ASK AN ADVICE AND ALL I GOT WAS A “u are too emo” WELL THEN ADIEU! I AM LOOKING FOR HELP BY MYSELF. And I am not coming back home. I’m sorry. Honestly, Does my feeling matter to u??!! (parents). Just in case if they decided to go into this forum.

Not Very Interesting Story:
Friendship. Yeah that word make me sick. Well me and my ‘bestfriend’ were really a good friend. suddenly, he just don’t wanna talk to me. I thought I offended him a lot by bragging about my probs. So I dmed him to say Sorry. He said he just didn’t took initiative to talk to me. SO WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT ACTUALLY MEAN?! One thing for sure is when people have less interested to befriend with me or about to leave me hanging they would say stuff like that. LIKE DO HE NEED SOME SPACE?? Well yeah I get it! So I told him tht I will just f off and I wont bother him anymore. He replied tht it would worry him if i dont bother him and dont leave. LIKE, ok wait I understand whats going on. He just don’t wanna talk to me. Quite answered all my thoughts about y the heck he dont wanna reply to me and just bluetick me. Its like gaslighting me. Well I deserved that. This is what I get for talking too much and too believe in stuff like friendship. But yeah I still apologise to him. I dunno anymore. Trust him no longer. It hurts me D: Its not funny tho. Can somebody tell me what kind of friendship is that? I am still pissed. I just walk away. Well, he don’t need me. He have many friends. Unlike me, I am just hopeless hard headed, ego bitch. dis is fine. Im going back to depression dungeon. honestly, losing a friend is 10 time worst than losing a boyfriend. but losing family and their support is 100 times more thn worst

Well, yeah thts all. I am kinda glad im still alive and not. Nobody is with me when i needed them the most. But its fine…no its not. Thx for reading supporters :hrtlegolove:

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When friends become close, it’s inevitable that they will get pissed off at each other sometimes, or simply need a break from each other. The most important thing about friendship is how committed a person is to maintaining it, and forgiving each other on a regular basis.

I think what happened is, you have been overwhelmed by the expectations of others, and also feeling that you don’t have an acceptable amount of privacy. It’s also bothering you that your parents are bragging about how much money they have spent on you, and with that bragging comes even more implied expectations.

Because of that, you needed to “let off steam,” or vent your frustrations to someone. I think when you were telling your friend about all the stuff you had to deal with, he probably felt overwhelmed and unable to help. He may not have been consciously aware of those thoughts and emotional reactions. Instead, he may have felt terribly uncomfortable around you, with no clear understanding of why he was feeling that way. So, while you are being overburdened by other people’s expectations, you are angry with him for not living up to your expectations. I suspect he doesn’t have a whole lot of experience in dealing with someone as upset as you were.

You are 17. That means that you will have far greater control of your life in a matter of months. You need to shake off the burden of other people’s expectations, even if they try to make you think that you have to fulfill them. Sometimes other people’s expectations are based on wise advice, but the decision and motivation to act on them has to be yours.

You are not hopeless and hardheaded. You simply have a lot of issues to process.

Have you really lost your friend, or has this difficulty become a first step in making the friendship stronger? Guys mature more slowly than girls, and need time to figure out what it takes to be an adult friend.

I’m glad you’re still alive! I appreciate that you came here and shared your feelings.

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Hey @AnonymousJ666,

I am grateful that you are here today. That you didn’t follow through your first idea. I am glad you are alive, because the breath in your lungs is what gives you the ability to keep moving, to keep trying, to keep looking for solutions even when they seem very distant or even inexistant.

It sounds that the people around you don’t really see you as you are or hear you when you say something. They rather hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe. I hear your anger and frustration. It makes sense to feel that way when the people you share your life with seem to not understand what’s going on.

I hear that you’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and worries in your life. I assume a lot of these have been part of what pushed you to hurt yourself too. Would you like to talk about it with us here? My therapist used this metaphor once because I didn’t know how to explain what was weighing me down. She invited me to visualize a bag of burdens that I would be carrying all the time on my back and couldn’t leave. She asked me what’s in it, and I started to make this long, very long list during our meetings.

What’s in your bag of burdens friends? What is causing you to feel stressed and worried?

We are here. We’re in this with you. And since you have posted, we can try to figure out better/healthier solutions together. Disappearing is not one of them, friend. There are better things ahead for you to experience, even if it requires also to work on what is overwhelming you in the present moment.

Hold Fast. :hrtlegolove:

1 Like