Still lost in my mind

I’m still on my own with alot of things . My mother left us bout 6mths ago . And my bday is tomorrow and my Genderfluid is still a secret … Only a few know idk how to come out . But ig thats me maybe it’s bc my brother makes jokes bout it and I don’t think he’d understand … I wish I was dead and didn’t have to deal with these issues I’m dealing with I just do anymore Twenty Øne Piløts help with alot of that with there music Bex Taylor-Klaus has help with know what they won’t but there awesome ppl and me I’m nothing I’m a no body …

Hey Xavier,

First I want to say thank you for coming and posting on the support wall. I’m glad you trust me, and this community with your life story, and we would love to walk along side you in life and help you in anyway possible, because you are not alone and you are worth love and support so here we are with open arms!

You addressed a lot of different things in this post, and I’m so glad that you had the courage to come and open up about these things, because it’s tough, but it shows that you are strong, and you’re not ready to give up quite yet, you’re a fighter!

I am so sorry that your mother left you guys, that’s extremely freaking hard, and I’m not even going to begin to say I understand, because I don’t know the full situation. My mother chose drugs over my sister and I when we were three, and have ever since… I’ll be 22 in five months. I want you to know 1) It’s not your fault, so please please don’t blame yourself, if you are right now… i get it dude i really do, because I blamed myself my entire childhood, up into adulthood, it takes time. 2) That you are still loved and you deserve love and support. I encourage you to forgive her. OMG that’s not easy at all, but I found some peace in forgiveness with my mother, once again that will take time and is super situational… But know we love you, and will try to help with this in anyway we can.

As far as the gender fluid thing, I’m not exactly sure on any advice for this, because I haven’t been there, and haven’t really experienced the situation. What I want to emphasize here is one that you are not alone in this at all. And secondly stand up for who you are, and try to not worry about what other people say, and I know that is easier said then done. I encourage you to try to open up and tell people, but once again it will take time, and do it in whatever order you want, at your speed. Don’t feel like everyone needs to know right away. Also, maybe reach out to other people who are gender fluid that you know, and see how they told people, it may help some.

“I wish I was dead” my friend I have uttered those words more times then I can count on my hands and toes, and I’m telling you that’s not the answer and I’m so glad that you are alive because your life matters. One person that means the world to me, and has walked along side me for the past few months told me something one day when I said the same… He said “You don’t want to die, you want the pain to stop, if you wanted to die you wouldn’t be reaching out to me.” And I’ve held to that wisdom since that day. We want the pain to stop, and we feel the only way to get the pain to stop is by not being alive, and friend that’s not the answer. We are here for you and we love you! Don’t give up and remember your life matters!

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,