Still working through trama

Hi so it’s me again.

As you all know by now :slightly_smiling_face:I’m still working through my past trauma and going to therapy for it. But there’s :confused: still this little part of my overthinking self that my amazing and loving boyfriend acts like my toxic ex sometimes when he’s not even doing those abusive and manipulative acts my toxic ex used to do to me.

It’s kind of gotten to the point where I overthink to the point thinking he’s narcissistic like my ex was. Witch isn’t good or healthy for both of us. This is happening because lately we’ve kind of been having little arguments over small things and it triggers my overthinking when he says things like he doesn’t have time to hear when I compare him to my toxic ex. Witch is a lot at times. He used to do the same thing a year ago when we started dating because we have the same trama from our Emotionally abusive relationships in our pasts. He’s a lot better now but :confused: it’s seems like I’m in the same place rn he was a year ago.

I can’t help but overthink he’s doesn’t care and he’s using me, gaslighting me and gilt tripping me. When we’re mad or upset at each other over small issues in our relationship. Because of my past and he gets upset most of the time when I do compare to my toxic ex. But he’s even started to see how it’s in my shoes when I get in my head like this :(.

I just don’t know how to fix it or how to stop overthinking a lot.

How can I make this stop for good and stop thinking he’s using me and being narcissistic?.


I used to be very wary and doubtful of relationships. I guess for me It took a lot of time to be able to align myself with some good people and have that continuity of healthy relationships. A lot of my friends when I was younger were much older than me and would have very toxic and gaslighting behaviour, the romantic relationships i got into followed suit.

I got to a point where my constant questioning when someone nice did come along ended up pushing them away.
You mentioned your boyfriend has experienced the same feelings as you, how has ge started to overcome those thoughts? The thing is that everyone is different and what may work for him might not work for you, but it can be helpful to hear those thoughts of process.

Have you ever spoken to a professional about past relationships? Of course that’s no pressure to say that you have to by any means, sometimes it can help procesa the why those thoughts keep reoccurring and how to combat them.

From: djstarion

Thank you for sharing <3 I can get the overthinking part, especially coming out a toxic relationship. Those traumas are hard to get past but this could be a good time to grow and move forward. Therapy might be a good option both individually and together, since it can help that bond and be able to move forward however you both need to.

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Trauma really does take over a lot of aspects. It blurs our minds and its hard not to see the patterns. Have you ever spoken to a therapist or someone similar about your past trauma and relationships? It could give you some good insight. It’s a lot of stress and tension when we just have the other person to depend on to bring comfort and reassurance. In a way it can sometimes cause more tension. When we meet someone who has experienced similar traumas, we have to remember that our individual experiences and healing journeys still vary. It would be great if there was one fix all. Take some time to have a think about what you need to start your healing

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Hi Legacylex,
thank you for reaching out, thank you for sharing.
it is hard to overcome trauma, it is hard to proceed after something like this. do both of you had a therapy after
your past trauma ? after your past relationships that were abusive ?
or would a therapy together an option for you ? it is hard to trust, it is hard to go on after all of that. i can only imagine.
so there should be acceptance and also understanding be given, for him towards you, as it should be otherwise.
overthinking then adds to all of that on top. take a step aside in situations like that, and try to look on your situation
from an outside perspective maybe. when two people from a past trauma come together, you will always have
triggers. when one of them has partly overcome their worries and issues, they should have the awareness of that.
some people can overcome easier then other. some have more triggers than others, different triggers.
take care of yourself. you matter most my friend. :purple_heart: be careful in such a fragile situation one step can cause to even more worries and thoughts. consider some help from the professional side.
feel hugged, you are loved

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, thanks for posting, its nice to hear from you. I am so pleased to read that you are still in therapy and working on yourself and your past trauma, I think you are awesome for that. I wonder if having these discussions with your therapist about your boyfriend would be a good idea and asking your boyfriend if he isnt already to look into some therapy himself to take care of his past trauma too. when that is working a lot better and if you both still want to be together maybe you could both go together for couples therapy and really get to grips with how you both view your futures. I would love you both to be happy in a good healthy way. Have a think about how you want to do that. Much Love Lisa. x