Back to heartsupport

Still worrying about relapse / been feeling lonely

  1. Things at least been passive somewhat despite family drama. I get worry when things go good, cause I know it won’t last forever. I don’t when next relapse will happen. Or the next freak out of my ego.

  2. Still wish I could have a girlfriend, I hate using dating app, and don’t have a place to meet girl my age or who are interested in me. The loneliness put in dark place of injuring myself or others. It very intense feeling.

What DBT skill does anyone else use, I been using the “please skill”, wise meditation , exercising and I only use the stop skill once. I have hard time of checking the facts cause my paranoia get me.


I don’t have a lot of familiarity with the PLEASE, ABC, and STOP structure of therapy, but from what I can tell, it’s an organized and effective way to approach managing life and mental health. It actually presents the coping tools everyone needs to use, though a great many of us learn about them by different means, and sometimes as a result of hard lessons.

I spend a great deal of time in the “core mindfulness” mode. Instead of allowing the chaos and intrapersonal BS get to me, I focus on what I need to do in the moment. That includes what I need to tell myself in that precise moment in order to deflect any negativity coming my way.

Like you, I am a work in progress, and still have a ways to go when it comes to managing difficult people and situations.

Does it help to remember that relapses don’t last forever either? Unfortunately, worrying about them too much can cause them to happen. When you start to worry, think about all the things you’ve already survived, and the progress you’ve made. There’s no reason it shouldn’t continue.

It’s very good to hear that you are getting benefit from the DBT, and you can expect even greater benefit from it in the future.

Perhaps the single greatest factor in achieving success in managing mental health issues, is the ability to be persistently hopeful, even when setbacks occur.

I hope you find a girl who can appreciate you, and bring out the best in you as well. You may find yourself meeting someone when you least expect it. That’s what happened when I met my wife.

Stay in touch! Wings

I use the REST DBT skill. It’s one of the first things they teach you. When I get triggered and feel that rush of hot boiling build up inside ( I know you know how that feels) I just want to explode and go off. If I do this exercise, I can usually chill out.

R.E.S.T. is an acronym to help remind you to Relax-Evaluate-Set an Intention-and Take Action


The first step of the process is to relax. Stop what you are doing. Take a breath…and pause. Step away from the situation for long enough that you do not act impulsively. Do your best to remind yourself that this is an opportunity to behave differently. It could be helpful even to say “Stop” or “Relax” out loud to remind yourself to not react quickly. This is the opportunity to take a few deep breaths to help yourself calm down before evaluating other options.


Next, you can ask yourself what are the facts of the situation. It is a quick evaluation; reminding yourself that you do not have to have it all figured out and you do not have to conduct an in-depth analysis of yourself. You do not even have to solve the problem! Just do your best to have a general sense of what is happening physically and emotionally. Some questions to ask yourself can be “How do I feel?”, “What is happening?”.

Set an Intention.

The next step is to set an intention to take action. An intention is a goal or plan that you can set for yourself. Often, this is a self-soothing activity that helps you to relax and re-center. The intention may also have a larger goal such as improving communication or problem-solving strategies.

Take Action.

Finally, take action and put your plan in motion. Moving slowly and with awareness helps the intention to be more effective and decreases the likelihood of impulsive reactions to take over.

This may seem like a lot to do but with practice these steps can be completed in a few seconds and become a newly developed habit.

This topic was automatically closed 30 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.