It can be the enemy…
But stimulation is also my dearest friend.
What kind of stimulation?
I like music and responding to posts. What do you like? You have me intrigued.
I enjoy healthy forms of stimulation, such as listening to music, playing in water, reading, dancing etc…
But I also have a habit of seeking quick physical stimulation. So I also get my fix in less healthier ways. I’ll binge drink, smoke, masturbate, self injure, etc.
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I have limited experience with this but it does sound like some of these are touch related/ relaxation/ stress release.
Maybe try some more touch related types of things. Like get more things that can help you make healthier choices more easily.
Weighted blankets help with anxiety. Or other ways to get pressure.
I have animals and petting them works for me. But if you don’t have pets stuffed animals or soft blankets. There are lots of great fidgety type items with different textures that you might like. Maybe some aroma therapy.
Long story short- look into some other ways to get stimulus that are healthier and maybe set up yourself a kit that is easy to access so you can go to those if you are having urges.
Wishing you the best.
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Elaine, thank you for taking the time to respond. You have some great tips; definitely right up my alley. I’ve heard of weighted blankets before, and im really interested in trying one. I tend to sleep with pillows crammed around my entire body because I like the feeling lol so a heavy blanket sounds great
EyelessDoll,
Yeah man it can be so brutal to feel like the very thing that brings you comfort destroys you. It’s like needing water but your well is contaminated and makes you sick every time you drink it.
You’re seeking something…excitement, feeling, joy…release from the tension created in your life…the feeling that you aren’t seen, aren’t valuable, aren’t loved, aren’t worthy…you try to stave these thoughts through healthy outlets, but often times those same activities can roar the same feelings you are trying to escape, and that’s when you turn to the unhealthy ones. In the moment, you’re fine with it, but over time you’ve noticed the way those things have negative impacts on your finances, on your friendships, on the way you view yourself and others…it feels like it’s slowly contaminating your heart, but you don’t know where to find any other water to quench the thirst you have to feel accepted, known, seen, loved, worthy…that pallet of water isn’t orderable on Amazon, haha.
I understand what it’s like to cope in negative ways, but to feel so attached to those habits that you don’t know how to soothe the dark thoughts any other way. It feels like in order to swallow one darkness, you must be swallowed by another. And I’m learning that’s not the only way things have to be! I am on a journey to healing the core parts of my heart that feel unworthy and inadequate and unloved. And if you are open to that journey, it can take you to a place of wholeness and whole-heartedness. And I believe that is the most critical and fulfilling journey of all.
-Nate
Nate,
Thanks for your input. I feel like my biggest struggle is pinpointing what it is i’m seeking. You are right, i am obviously seeking something. However, I do consider myself valuable, worthy, and loved… so those feelings im not necessarily in search of. I DO however, seek excitement and release fairly often. You may be on to something there… because i feel like i need to be constantly entertained. Definitely something to further evaluate.
Thanks again for you input!
Jeez
… I’m feeling The Need again.
Want to feel more…need to stimulate myself somehow.
Play some MarioKart while listening to trance music.
My depression makes a pit that needs constant filling in order for me to function. Stimulation fills it up, but it empties pretty quickly. I knew someone who had to constantly do something so that she could drown out the static of her ADHD. Going to a psychiatrist and getting a prescription for Wellbutrin or daily ADHD medication might be a better long-term fix. They increase the dopamine in your brain. Dopamine is stimulation. Ketamine is also being tried for things that regular medication doesn’t fix. Medication doesn’t make the problem go away, but it does make it manageable. Possible but not easy. Expensive, and for some stupid reason, stigmatized. Taking medication means that your problem is real so you don’t take it and instead let your “fake” problems ruin you while you hide, figuratively speaking.
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@George_Mallory
I really like the way you describe depression as a pit that constantly needs filling. This feels very accurate. Same with the feelings of adhd. I’ve never been diagnosed with adhd, but I’ve always felt like I have a problem. I spoke to a few doctors about my attention issues, but was dismissed because I “was able to perform well in school”. But I do feel like I might benefit from asking again.
I agree in regards to medication and the stigma it brings. I’ve taken antidepressants in the past, but they just made me feel blank, I didn’t feel anything. And they also gave me negative side effects. I choose to self medicate, because I dont really see much difference… either way I’m manipulating my body.
P.s. I dig the Mario kart idea (: