I feel like anxiety has just been building up over a while from several stressors and I can’t figure out how to properly relieve it other than distraction, which doesn’t really help at all. The rest of this post describes most of the things contributing to that.
I first noticed it being a problem Thursday when I had a busy day with a couple networking opportunities (I’ve been out of a job for over a year). The day ended with my weekly dance event that I volunteer for, and I decided to go home after instead of getting late night food with my friends (dancers like to hang out after dancing).
I guess Friday I was still overwhelmed or tired fromnhe day before so I wasn’t productive after my morning job search meeting. In the evening, I ended up having a Zoom call with someone to talk about a program that helps PhDs get hired. I had reservations because of the cost, but I agreed to join (after they cut the price and instituted a payment plan). I’m still worried it was a bad decision because at some point I’ll be out of money. I might be able to find some gig employment to get by, but I also worry that will just keep adding to the stress.
I had a date last night, first one in a really long time, and still carrying the stress might have made it hard to connect. I like the guy’s aesthetic and saw we had a couple similar interests, so I had asked him to a mom&pop ice cream parlor that had live music. Maybe I talked too much about my dancing and other things that I do which would have made me look like a surface-level type of person. Even though I looked up questions to ask on a date, I didn’t end up really asking much of him. A couple times when I was talking about dancing or swing music topics, he had interjected that he wasn’t familiar enough with the topic to contribute which left me feeling derailed in figuring out what to talk about next. The date did end with me sharing a music video that I danced in that was filmed at the place I chose for the date. I think he was impressed with the video, so I think it was on a good note.
It was hard to get to sleep last night because I was feeling so much stress about everything so far. Today, the anxiety has been so much stronger than my desire to eat, so I think I need to figure out how to destress before I feed myself.
Looking forward, I’m stressed about leading my dance team. We had to change choreographers recently so that we would be able to learn a routine we could bring to competition this fall. Not only am I stressed about getting everyone ready, one of my team members might not be able to afford to go to the event, and I don’t know who to ask to fill in at this point that would have the time commitment available. Maybe team won’t compete this year which would feel like a big let down.
I’ve been meaning to start some journaling, but I haven’t picked a notebook that I want to write this type of stuff in. I’ll see if I can take a nap later today and not just waste my time with mobile games and video rabbit holes.
Thanks in advance. This community is the best.
Stress and anxiety are such a killer when it comes to even trying to perform one task at times aren’t they??
I’m sure this program, plus the date, plus the dance and having to find someone to fill a spot has all been weighing in the back of your mind, or even in the forefront.
It makes it so difficult to think and sleep, and even as you mentioned, eat!
Distractions haven’t been working too well you mentioned? And I can totally empathise with that. The only real distraction that works for me is when I’m at work because it’s so busy.
So, this program, do you think that it will be effective in helping you find work? If so, then it could be worth it. It’s annoying that it costs money to join, but if there has been price cut and a payment plan, then I hope you feel a bit safer in that decision. I know a lot of people have been struggling to find steady work and I also know of a really good company near where I live who does this very thing of helping unemployed people to find work, and I have to say when people mention looking for work, people often say “why don’t you try -“. So it is a very valid thing to join up with these kinds of programs, and hopefully will help take the job hunt burden off you a little. Because let’s face it, it can be draining!
I feel like when people start dating they should talk about their hobbies and interests, even if they aren’t all the same! Nobody is going to have 100% of the same interests, and I think it’s even healthy to have a few different ones, but I also think it’s really good to talk and try to understand those different interests.
For example, my partner loves planes and he can talk all day about them, but outside of him, I have no real interest. What I do love is hearing him talk about something he loves because it’s something that makes him happy and something that makes me feel closer to him.
So maybe this person doesn’t know much about dance, but it’s still a cool thing to share your interests!
Maybe even if you guys go out in another date he could feel comfortable to talk about some interests he has that aren’t the same too!
I know this was posted a few days ago, so I wanted to check in and see how things are going. Has there been anything sorted with your dance group? It would be really hard if you had to miss out in competition, but I want to encourage you that even if it feels like a huge disappointment and let down, you can be so proud of yourself and your team for working so hard and hopefully for having some fun.
Hope you’re feeling better and the anxiety and stress has eased
I think I’m feeling a little better now.
We were able to work out a way to financially supporr the original team member, so now we just have to worry about getting the routine ready.
I think the program will be useful. So far, I can see where my materials can be improved, and having a program mentor will be good to walk me through that. I just need to keep on top of the things that I have to input in the process. I might need to pick up a “temp” job to make sure I can pay for the program and my bills. (I have an interview in just over an hour for an entry-level position, in my field but the pay is under my education level.)
As for the date, I sent a post-date text Monday, and he responded well. No idea if there’ll be another date. I asked for the first, so I expect him to ask for the next if he’s still interested.