Stress/depression and suicidal thoughts

I was an outgoing person growing up but from events that happened in high school made me lose trust and friends. I’ve had a long relationship with a person that has helped me through a lot and the only that really understands me but I’ve began to lose trust when I heard she was with another guy and it really hurt. The only person that has made me feel loved and happy turned their back against me. We talked about it but she still sounds that she’s lying to me. Now that I’m in college with all this stress has really taken a toll on me. I’ve started to drink here in college just to help out but I know I need to stop because I do not want to become an addict. I’ve had my third mental breakdown right now and I can’t take it anymore. I feel so lost and alone. I have other friends that I’ve made out here but I don’t want to share how I feel because of how they might react. I’m really pushing through this semester and waiting on break so I can try dealing with my problems. I really don’t want to hurt myself in anyway where I might end up in a hospital bed or even dead but I don’t know how longer I can take this. I’m barely pulling through each day. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to take my life. But nothing works out. I need feed back and help. I jut can’t take this.

Hey @Cris,

Thank you for sharing this and being here. :two_hearts:

I’m glad you’re aware that drinking isn’t a solution. It may look like it, but it won’t do anything good in the long run, only additional difficulties. It’s not helpful. It makes you feel numb but that’s not what you want deep inside. You want to feel better, which is really different. And like you, I don’t want you to hurt yourself or end up in an hospital or even worse. So you did the right thing by posting this. And for now, you need all your energy to take care of yourself.

I’m sincerely sorry for your relationship. Trust is indeed very important and different event can weaken it. I can relate a bit to this feeling of being betrayed by a loved one. So first, I really wanted to say to you that whatever she did, that doesn’t mean you’re not worth to be loved or that something was wrong with you. We can’t predict the actions of those around us, including those closest to us.

About your friends, may I ask how you think they could react if you tell them about your struggles?

Also, if you need to rest, that’s absolutely okay. College is important but it’s not your whole life. Your health, physical and mental, remains a priority. Right now it sounds like, indeed, you’re really pushing yourself. And maybe now is the time to think about a new strategy, a safer one. Is there anyone in your surroundings (personal or professionnal) with whom you could talk about your struggles? It’s okay to get help when you need it. Things will be okay and you’ll go through this moment. But you don’t have to be alone for it.

Also, if you think that you could be useful for you, there are some ressources here on HS. Maybe it could be interesting for you to take a look at it:

You are not alone, Cris. You don’t want to die, you want to get better. And by writing this, you’re showing to everyone here your inner strengths. Hang on to this. It’s quite normal to feel lost right now. But you’ll get to see things clearer by taking things one by one, day after day, and by surrounding yourself with all the support you need.

Sending much love your way. :two_hearts:

1 Like