Stress is killing me and im quitting my jobtw suicidal thoughts

[sakurasangel]

I’m super overwhelmed. Everyone is asking me how job hunting is going since I graduate next month, and I don’t want to admit the truth. I haven’t been looking. Im doing everything I can do to not fall apart. I wake up 2 hours early so I don’t have to walk as far to my internship. Tonight I didnt get the chance to eat dinner until 8:30… and my lunch was 11:45.

Now is the last month of school, so also the busiest. Tbh its less than a month. I need to do well this semester and haven’t had enough time to do homework and readings ever since my internship started.

I love my internship. I am working on Metadata in the local college’s archives. I love my supervisor and we have a lot in common. I added next Friday so I would have all of my hours. But my mom keeps practically yelling at me to finish this month. Its just not plausible. I have an assignment due this weekend, and I need some time to do my other homework during the week. She literally said something along the lines of “I know you think im being a jerk”! She’s thinking worst case scenario that something will happen to me.

My mom has been getting on all of my nerves. She procrastinated intensely on my taxes, and made it so I owed taxes. I’m fairly certain my previous job took out taxes before giving me my paycheck, but my w2 or some paperwork said else. But obviously on Easter or late today I couldn’t call and ask!!
And every time I tried to get in the shower she needed something new, and ended up claiming she needed some form that doesn’t even exist for me. In the process, it looks like I owe school over $2k, and im not sure why. So that’s fun.

I need to call work tomorrow and talk to my supervisor. I’m not sure what to tell her. I feel bad I can’t give her a proper 2 weeks notice, but with how suicidal I’ve been all day and stressed I’ve been, I can’t. I haven’t had time or energy to decompress, and I started pulling out my hair again. Its not fun. I dont know what to tell her. And that scares me.

I jinxed myself this morning. Someone was talking about a patient who dipped after being super suicidal and I was like “wow, I’ve been doing good. I haven’t felt that way in a while!” And here I am. Extremely suicidal.
I’m praying its just from exhaustion and ill feel better in the morning.

But I don’t want to wake up to my mom being a bitch.

I feed off of other’s emotions, so when she’s stressed and not trying to cope it gets super bad for me. So, her procrastinating was/is super painful for me emotionally (and now physically since its that much emotion).

I also need to get a psych still. I was thinking about online and when I mentioned it, my mom got pissy. She would rather me see someone who doesn’t take insurance and I have a bad feeling about. And she tried to get me to explain this bad instinctual feeling. Like what, do you want me to tell you she plays with demons ??? That makes me sound extra insane.

So yeah, my back is in a shit ton of pain.

Good news is I got the kpop stuff I bought! My lightstick is super pretty! I didn’t get either of my biases’ photocards in the albums, but they’re also my first girl group albums!

I think its super pretty the prettiest one out there lol

[DiscordReply]

From: I Am Reclaimer

Hey Friend, it can definitely feel overwhelming to be at the cusp of finishing something you have presumably worked toward for a few years while dealing with everything else you mentioned. There’s a lot and it’s easy to get caught up in the entire picture, but breaking down what needs to happen and focusing on “the next right thing” is incredibly important. clearing your mind from hyper-focusing on the entire picture and instead of using that brainpower to focus on what you need to do next will seriously help reduce the overwhelm. Though, you are for sure experiencing burnout… it’s important to separate yourself from everything that is going on and take deliberate time to do something that you genuinely enjoy and take time to give yourself some much-needed love. the taxes can be very stressful, but you have more time to figure it out than you think. Additionally, with the items related to the stress related to your mother, it’s important, again, to take time to love yourself. You’re a filled cup that is now overwhelming and it’s important to recognize that so this burnout doesn’t multiply into something greater … so again, focus on the next right thing!

Also, I shared this on another post, but one of my mentors shared the following with me and I think it can shed a little light on what is happening in your life right now… It’s Wednesday, the middle of the week when most of us are in full momentum. Things are busy, meetings are pilling up. We meet people. No reason to feel alone. Is that so? Burnout at work is not necessarily about being overworked. Burnout can be about something we never saw coming: social isolation or social exhaustion. Being around others doesn’t mean we don’t feel isolated. And being in conversations/meetings most of the time can have its toll - it’s called “social exhaustion”. No role is immune to it, and there is no safe place in the organization to avoid it. Human interactions are critical for a successful career, but watch for the signals when isolation and/or exhaustion is around the corner, If you feel alone, reach out, If you feel exhausted, take a social breather. Enjoy!Burnout at Work Isn’t Just About Exhaustion. It’s Also About Loneliness

[DiscordReply]

From: Ash

Hello friend first off I am glad that you shared this with us. It sounds like you know yourself well. First off you kind of already did this but sometimes breaking down things to smaller things can help relieve that stress to some points. So like marking out hey I have to do this and lots of small pieces too it. I have seen people us a way of prioritizing by color post it notes so something that lets say has to be done in that day is one color and than something needing to be done in lets say a week is another. They than add in things like making sure they eat and such. As it is important to do so. Even planning small parts like that can help you know hey I have this and that at this time. I always get overwhelmed when I look at everything and its not broken down in pieces.

[DiscordReply]

From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)

Hi sakurasangel. I am sorry you have to deal with all this stuff. Its really a lot. I feel like you should really set boundaries for yourself and others. You cant do all of this at once ow you will burn out. You need to take breaks and take time for yourself to relax. Doing things one at a time is also great. Focus on one thing and then on another. It will go better that way. Try to awoid that overwhelming feeling. I hope things will get better on your end soon

[E_Man]

Hello there! Now your health is more important thing. So do not worry if you don’t want to/can’t look for a job. Also you can do your homeworks piece by piece. It could take some time but at least you can finish them. And it looks like you are having a burnout so make sure that you take some time to rest. I wish the best for you!