Back to heartsupport

Stress of a lost love


#1

Hello. Recently in the last few months, I feel my anxiety has gone to the highest point. About a year ago, I had some issues with my spouse. We had trouble communicating with each other and tried to go to marriage counseling to solve our issues. This was to no avail… I had been friends with another person (who I had met online) and this person made it sound like they wanted to be with me. This gave me a more lusting feeling towards this other person and not to my spouse… Eventually, we met in person. It was a nightmare meeting and in the end, it was the start of our falling apart as friends. I had to make a decision. Save my friendship or save my marriage. There was no way I could do both. I chose to save my marriage and get rid of this lusting feeling. However, i now have a new feeling for this other person… i get nervous, I twitch more, I even feel like I am going to choke on air. I shake whenever I even see this person’s login name. I try to hide names, step away from Discord servers. I even went so far as making a separate Discord account to get away from this feeling. For a while, it slowly went away. I saw a therapist (I still see one today), I took medications for a while (they made me sick to my stomach so I stopped taking them). We did our own things and never said anything. Recently, the person has been more talkative and more involved. While I am feeling more distant and more cold towards others. I want to continue to be friends with other people but the one person makes it hard for me to continue having this friendship with them. I don’t know what to do. I keep wanting to move on and the feelings, the twitching, the choking feeling. I don’t know if it will ever stop and I need closure.


#2

Are you sure it is love? Maybe you’re regretting it because your marriage fell apart or you deluded yourself into thinking you were loyal & love your spouse and that-well turned out the way it did. Regret is not the same as love. Lust can lead to love, but it isn’t the same thing.
You guys fought as soon as you met. The meeting was a disaster. How would it change if you met again?
What would give you closure? What if the individual doesn’t want closure or the exact closure you think you want?
I think you need to search yourself more. You’ve not brood over this issue enough to the point that you’re open to closure. imo, I might be wrong yet from how you explain, I’ve been there similarly and I thought I knew what I needed but I found no closure because I wasn’t really seeking for it at the time.
I hope you do find closure.


#3

Hey Friend,
I know how you feel because recently my GirlFriend broke up with me because all of her friend hated me and they would never talk to her so she had to make a very hard choice because she loved me but she also liked her friends and sadly she chose her friends over me. so I understand you feelings.

Hold Fast-
Mr.Lonely


#4

As an update we did meet a second time after figuring out things. I asked if we could just go back to being friends and they said ok. However the person (after saying they were ok with meeting up with common friends) avoided me and told me they were not ok with it. I had asked why they did not just say so in the first place (because I had driven 4 hours to hang out with others and would have stayed home if not) and they had replied “my bad”. Since then, I have not made contact with this person and only see a comment once in a blue moon but I never respond. It really feels like I am alienating my command friends and just have turtled to myself a bit more. I do try to find new friends and have distanced myself from those people but it isn’t enough.


#6

Well I hope it gets sorted out. Your Real friends will find a way to hangout with you and wouldn’t let others influence the outcome. Shitty fake friends will.

I hope you find some good friends and that the friends you have that are actually your friends will spend time with you.

Cheers for better times coming your way.