So, I haven’t been on here for a while. I was doing a lot better, and I found support in a friend and coworkers. But lately I’ve been getting really stressed and overwhelmed. I’ve been getting upset and I haven’t known how to express it so I’ve started punching things like doors and my truck whenever I’m upset and can’t process what’s going on. It’s to the point that my knuckles are constantly bruised, so people have started asking what it’s from and I don’t know what to say. Not to mention that around a week ago I had to leave work early to go to the E.R because I was having chest pains, but all my tests came back fine, and the pains were most likely just from stress and anxiety. I just don’t really know what to do to cope with what i’m feeling in a healthy manner, I gave a friend all my lighters and sharps so I couldn’t do anything with those because I’ve been really close to relapsing recently anyway, but I’ve been wanting to punch things more to because it hurts. I really want to find better ways to cope that aren’t hurting myself but I can’t seem to find anything that works. I just don’t really know what to do right now.
Hey Luca. I am really happy you are back and being vulnerable about what is going on. I know we don’t know each other but I am definitely here to listen to you and remind you that you are not alone in any of this.
What do you think is the cause of the stress?
From: ManekiNeko
it’s a huge step that you’ve acknowledged that you want to move past the harm and the hurt. Sometimes our minds perceive it as comfort because of the endorphins it releases and it become addictive. Once we become addicted to something, it can be a hard thing to get away from. I hear you wanting to punch something, have you tried to take up boxing? With gloves and a bag so there’s less injury to yourself, but you get to feel the resistance of the hit. Sometimes people use pillows, but i know sometimes it can’t really get the full expression of emotion out.
Another thing I used to do was put my fingers in iced water. Still feel the cold and sting, but at least it wasn’t harming myself. It just gives a jolt to the senses. These small steps can help to direct you away from actual harm and using shape implements. Your safety is the most important above all else.
as far as anxiety is, have you been able to talk about what’s been building up and leading to the anxiety? Sometimes finding out why it’s happening or what the triggers are, it can help to find ways to cope when it comes. We can acknowledge “yes there is anxiety”, but we know “this is why, and I know I’m in control”. Hope you’re doing okay
Hello Luca,
I just want to say welcome back to HeartSupport. I am proud of you for coming back to find support & encouragement. It sounds like to me that you know how to self-evaluate yourself & seek out help from people around you.
Keep your focus on improving each and every day. You are more than capable of all of the things you are working towards. Thank you for allowing us to come alongside you to speak uplifting words over this current season that you are going through.
You are important. You are valid. You are enough. You matter.
-StarFox 
From: twixremix
hi luca!
so thankful we can hear from you again, my friend. i appreciate you for posting this journal and knowing that this community will always have your back. that was a huge and effective decision you made to give your friend all your lighters and sharps to avoid a relapse. i am proud of you for taking that step to protect yourself. with how you worded this post, the punching doesn’t seem healthy to you for both you and those around you. bruising your knuckles is still a form of self-harm and the aggression could scare those around you for your safety.
but i hear you, it’s difficult to find another way to cope that isn’t this method but hey, let’s brainstorm. coping strategies come in so many forms. do you have any hobbies that focus your attention elsewhere? a game or even puzzle app you can distract yourself with? maybe holding an ice cube (to divert your senses), taking a good run, or even yelling into a pillow or in your car? there are still cathartic yet less harmful methods out there and i will do everything i can alongisde this HS community to help think of a solution with you. and you’re probably asking why it matters so much and my response is that your hands are meant for creating and feeling, not bruising, and we all want to protect that. sending you all my love and comfort during this stressful and overwhelming time.
love,
twix
Hey Luca,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through that you are going through these intrusive thoughts. I am glad that you are able to acknowledge that these are intrusive thoughts, and that taking steps beforehand may help. There are a bunch of anger management methods out there, but for me, when I have energy/anger/rage/anxiety built up that I just need to get out, I usually lean towards some kind of intense (and short) workout. Something that builds up and expends some adrenaline, and releases some of those stress hormones. Maybe that could help with the intense urges, when you’re somewhere you can do that?
Being able to talk out/through the anger points may help prevent those urges. Talking to your friends/coworkers is a great way to try to keep those under control. Even though it may still spur up from time to time, please keep talking to others. We’re here, too, when every you need to vent.
You go this, friend. You matter 
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hello, Luca and welcome back to the community! I’m so sorry that you are having these urges and I’m glad you have a friend in your life you could give your items to.
I know that for me a way to relieve stress and anger is to play “violent” video games. Whenever I would hate people after a bad day at work I would go home and play Call of Duty or Assassin’s Creed and something about being able to be violent in a way that hurts absolutely no one would make me feel a lot better. And video games can help your mind focus on things outside of your own thoughts.
I hope that you find something from these responses that works for you and I hope that you find a way to quiet the thoughts in your head. Good luck, friend, and please keep us updated 
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post. its good to hear from you. its a good thing to let out your emotions as long as it is in a healthy way, it is also unhealthy to keep things bottled up so I am glad you are looking for that happy medium.
A good friend of mine posted a link the other day about self harm and how to prevent it about Urge surfing, it is something that is taught in therapy and works so i am going to share that link with you.
if you could take notice of that, you can then move forward with finding healthy ways to show your feelings.
I wish you lots of luck. Lisalovesfeathers .x
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