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Strickt parents made me selfharm

Im 20 years old now and my parents still treat me like Im 15 or something. They are overly protective and I can’t do anything about it. When we make a appointment to be home at 6pm and Im 3 min late they are basically panicing about how I can’t stick to it and that I have to be more on time, but when they can’t keep their promises they shove it off like it’s nothing and there’s nothing to worry about. The same when I want to go to my boyfriend, they want me to be home at 5pm, but when Im with a female friend I can be home at 10pm. WHY is my question… Everything I do is making them mad at me, everything I do is a problem in their eyes. I wear my boyfriends vest because it smells like him and I want to keep him close in some way, but my parents get mad at me for not wearing my own clothes, they think it’s ridiculous to wear his clothes. I feel like rapunzel, being manipulated into staying with mother gothel because the outside world is dangerous and inhuman. What am I supposed to do? And lately, every backfire is a trigger for me to scratch myself, I made so many scratches on my arm, they even bled. And the urges keep coming back when they scream at me, forbid me to do things, when they are telling me I can’t keep my promises. I try my best, I really do, but the only thing that is going through my mind at this point is to hurt myself. It’s like trying to fight the emotional pain with physical pain. It’s fighting agains yourself, your own thoughts of never being good enough. It’s fightinh against wanting to die and wanting to stay alive. It’s so two sided. I want to leave everything and make a new start, but I can’t seem to do it, it’s too much to carry. I can’t leave my parents, they guilttrip me into wanting to stay, they are even fucking up my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 months now and we had only 3 sleepovers now, while my brother and his girlfriend were having sleepovers since the first month they were together, and now she is practicaly living in our house, she’s here from thuesday till sunday, every frigging week and Im sick of it. Why can they have their own lives. WHY AM I BEING CONTROLLED!!! Isn’t there a way to end it? I just want it to stop, I want my freedom, I want my life back. I was so scared of selfharm… and look where I am now, it’s an addiction to keep me sane, to keep me away from this living hell and I want to stop so desperatly now. HELP ME PLEASE.

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I went through this myself actually. Unfortunately they are doing what they think is best even if it isn’t. And there is little to nothing to persuade them against it. I’d suggest moving out. Unfortunately it was my solution. Things got a lot better once I moved out. But, I’m rooting for you. If you ever need to talk or vent please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’ve been there. It’s hard. But, I believe you can make it through it like I did.

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