Struggle being single / being a virgin at 30

[Metalskater1990]

Been thinking about moving out my parents. So far I think I have a job that make it possible to have apartment.

My sister tell it hard for find a girlfriend when I’m living with my parents. I’m still virgin and really don’t know how inter act with women. In past I had some girls less than five that would consider friends. I did date alittle bit past , but only had a relationship for 6 mouth where I led my closest friend on. ( it was shitty thing I did.)Overall, I don’t have any female friends or girlfriend in my life.

It fuel a lot my anger, insecurities, hatred and depression. I feel I can’t never be a normal or full grown adult. I look at as strange and different person. No girl could find me good looking or would want to be with me.

It also trigger my abuse nature, I get overly jealous, overly clingy and I just did nasty shit to be honest. I will forth tell that a girl in furture will betrayed me. It also led to myself harm in the past.

There was time where I message saying “ why do you hate” I got brutal response from one them, another just strap laugh at me. I don’t know how t handle these fuck emotions of anger and sadness.

I know being a virgin is not a bad. But I feel cuase modern culture, toxic masculinity, and me not accepting myself. It get depressing.

[Wings]

Actually, some people remain virgin all their lives, and still figure out how to experience a measure of happiness.

Becoming independent will help with your confidence, so getting your own place is a good idea as long as you can afford it.

Regarding your appearance, I doubt that it’s a dealbreaker. The world is full of people who don’t look like the “breed standard” that has been fabricated by the people who want to sell things. I used to work with a guy who was only about 5’6" tall, had no teeth, and very often didn’t use his dentures. He had round bulbous facial features. He also had a surprising number of women interested in him. He may have had some secret that I never figured out, but the most outstanding thing I observed was that he was very gracious and confident with them.

Attentiveness, patience and kindness are things that are very attractive to a potential mate.

You also mentioned being triggered, overly jealous, clingy, etc. Until you get those issues under control, you should remain a virgin.

I think for now, focusing on your independence is the thing to do. I think that’ll give you both time and a safe space for you to work on your own issues. Self-acceptance is a big thing, accepting who you were, are now, and who you can be.

Attempting to meet the expectations of our modern culture is a no win exercise. Those who give the appearance of meeting them are in all likelihood suppressing their individuality, and not terribly happy.

I am impressed by your honesty and willingness to acknowledge the negative parts of you that still need work. We are all works in progress. I had my own issues to work on, and didn’t get my act together very well until I was in my 40s.

It will be much easier to be patient and kind towards others, if you treat yourself with patience and kindness.

Thanks for sharing your feelings, and the courage to let yourself be vulnerable.

Here’s an example of how looks don’t necessarily hold a person back from having a significant other:

[Bobohobo]

You seem to be allow some very self defeating thoughts into your head like that you’re not a full grown adult or no girl would ever want to be with you. Everyone gets rejected. It’s a long process for some people to find who they truly belong with. My advice is challenge those thoughts and understand that they are coming from a temporary feeling or situation that might change or that you’ll get past.

[Sita]

you’re worthy of being loved and appreciated, and this starts with self love and appreciation. There are some issues to work on, and you seem to already know what some of them are. Women also deserve to be in relationship with a partner who will treat them respectfully. The jealousy, clingy behaviour, abuse nature, all these things are what will not promote a healthy friendship or relationship, and will further isolate you. Once you work on these, you’ll be in a much healthier position for yourself firstly, then as a friend or bf.