I don’t know what to believe anymore. last year I was on such a good track with religion and God. then I just stopped again. I stopped praying, going to church, etc. I think I stopped praying because I was tired of not getting an answer or need feeling God with me. I felt like I was praying to a wall. I don’t know if anyone else has had that experience but it’s just frustrating. I grew up in a Christian household and was taught to believe in God but I just never fully bought into it. I just have so many complicated questions that I think would have complicated answers that would leave me hopeless. that’s what I am. hopeless. I don’t know who I’m supposed to pray to or look to for guidance. I don’t know who I’m supposed to love. there’s so many things I don’t understand. a part of me wants to be loved by God and wants to love Him, but another part of me says there’s nothing, no one who’s listening to my prayers. am I just scared? am I just scared to give into God? I don’t know what to do. what am I supposed to do?
Not too long ago I was having a conversation with Dan in a voice chat about how I struggle with my faith as well. And I have for many years.
I grew up going to church, in a family that claimed to be Christians but were not actively living the life of Christians. My family very much were hypocrites. Going to church and claiming to be Christians felt more like an act. So I grew up in a very broken religious house hold. Thus I had a lot of questions that never got answered.
I spent a lot of time in my teens going to church and trying to get close to God. I went to church several times a week. I went to revivals. I went on Sunday’s and Wednesdays. Id often go to both morning and evening services. I spend as much time as I could in the church. For some reason though I always felt alone. I felt like God was not hearing me and not responding to my efforts of trying to be close to him. I tried talking to people about it but could never receive any answer other than “You have to have faith”
It was hard for me to have FAITH in something that always left me feeling so alone and in a place where nobody could ever help give me answers or guidance in why I felt the way I did. Instead everyone made me feel guilty for feeling how I did. Accusing me of it being my fault that I didnt feel close to God. Saying that if I didn’t feel close to him then I wasn’t trying hard enough. Yet I was trying so hard I didn’t know what else to do. I felt so helpless. I felt unloved. I felt worthless. I just didn’t understand.
So for many years I have felt really uncomfortable with my Faith and have remained distant.
I wish I had answers for you. I understand all too well why there is a struggle.
My greatest advice that I can give you is maybe you can reach out to your Pastor. Let him know you are struggling. If they are someone you feel you can trust. Or maybe a new church would help you find what you are looking for.
I know that Dan and Casey do prayer time with the community. I am not sure what time that is though. Maybe @Kayla or one of the other mods could remind us of the times they do their prayer. Perhaps this could offer you some guidance and support.
I’m sorry you are struggling. I truly understand.
- Kitty
They guys try to do community prayer around 8:30am PT, but recently they’ve been unable to do so, so keep an eye on the discord for when they announce that’s back if you’re interested.
I would also encourage you to check out GodSquadChurch. They are an online church that HeartSupport has an awesome relationship with. Amanda and Pastor Souzy who run it are amazing people also. You can check them out on Discord AND Twitch also! Maybe talk to people within that community for some guidance 
Hold Fast
Kayla
Thanks for the info Kayla!!
Hey Nicole,
First I want you to know that I, and this community love you so so much. Although we don’t really talk anymore, I still care about you and you are on my mind often! You are so loved and valued, and you matter so so much. I want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle, as you can see below, and I struggle with this a lot as well! I love you friend!
I encourage you to check out the GodSquadChurch discord and their twitch! The discord is https://www.discord.gg/godsquadgaming and the stream is https://www.twitch.tv/godsquadchurch The streams are on Saturday at 12:30pm and 6:30pm CST! They have live worship, giveaways, and an awesome message! I really started discovering and understanding faith through them. They have an awesome staff, full of pastors and others that are willing to pray with you and sit down and talk with you! I really encourage you to check this out!
Please know that I love you so so much! And your life, and your story, and your journey matters! If you ever need anything please don’t ever hesitate to dm me! I love you so so much!
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It!
Love Always,
Monkey
Thanks for posting those links Monkey! That really helps!