Every day I am miserable and hate myself. Sometimes I wonder is it even worth it anymore to be alive because I can’t enjoy life anyway. I have a good job but I’m making mistakes. I’ve been making mistakes my whole life and have paid for it by being criticized. Thought things were going better with this new job but then the mistake came Wich was again thrown in my face. Can I just be normal? Can I not be on prozac and Xanax? I have the fear of everyone has some type of problem with me. I haven’t had any good thoughts run through my head at all lately. It’s either I’m scared to make another mistake or I’m thinking somone is hating on me. Anyone have any advice for me?
Thank you for sharing and being here.
Xanax/Prozac are some strong meds and I hope that provides you some relief. It’s never a solution as such, but it can be a great help and act as a crutch on a daily basis. It can allow you to breathe a little and concentrate on the what’s essential for you.
I’m happy to know that you have a good job. It can allow you to keep a certain pace of life, have social interactions and focus on different things than your struggles. And you know, we can all make mistakes at any time. It doesn’t mean that your whole life is a failure. The key is to learn from our mistakes and try not to reproduce the same thing. Maybe you’re still learning to find your landmarks in this new workplace. Be patient with yourself, you are able to do things.
Also it sounds like, maybe, you’re giving too much importance on what others are thinking about you. But what’s really important is how you see and treat yourself. And you deserve to feel well, to be aware of your qualities, your inner strengths. For example, at the moment, you’re having a medical treatment and it means that you already have taken steps to be helped. It’s a deep mark of courage and humility and I really respect that. Maybe the people around you would not be able to do the same thing.
It seems like, right now, your fears are talking for you. Your fear to make mistakes, to be alone or rejected, to not be able to do what you want. But there’s absolutely no need to believe these thoughts. It’s just harmful and I guess it takes a lot of energy. Some energy you need to take care of yourself.
Outside of work, do you have hobbies / passions? Are there things you like to do or want to do during your free time? It might be interesting for you to try something new that could really motivates you. It can be helpful in order to see yourself progressing in something you might enjoy, at your own pace. Hobbies can be a really strong support to learn to know yourself, your values, interests, your qualities and abilities. And I know you have many of them.
You are on the right path, friend. Take care.