I will give a rundown about my upbringing. (My Mother was Bipolar and prayed on my downfall until she took medication).
I focused on myself growing up. I have a very successful career right now. I do not hate growing up because of the experiences with my Mom (we have a good relationship), but I had some finite boundaries and struggles. I found a girlfriend that I trusted and inevitably she did not work out (it hurt me ALOT). I want to say that I’ve grown past her (6 months). I am talking to girls right now, but I am scared to put my heart out and show interest! Is there any way I can get over this? What should I do? I am very confident and talkative to anyone, but I am scared to take the next step and hurt myself again. Any help would be thankful!
Thanks for posting and welcome! It can be so difficult when trying to move on from a relationship we put a lot of value into. I remember often looking at others’ and thinking “why is it so effortless for them” I’ve been there several times and know where you are at. For me it took a lot of time on my own valuing myself for me to be comfortable with letting other’s in. I also started going to therapy to process what had happened in my past relationships as well as my childhood to ensure that I don’t let that out on others - whether big or small. What it taught me was that there are always going to be risks when letting someone else in but without the risk there is no reward to be gained - in this case a fulfilling relationship. People are going to do what they do and the only control we often have is over ourselves.
Hope this helps!
Hey Rolltide. Welcome to the community. Glad you decided to reach out and share.
Having someone pray on your downfall has to be a rough experience to live through. It sounds like you took the right approach focusing on yourself though. Having a successful career shows that the path you’ve taken has paid off. Well played on that front.
Putting our trust in other people, at least for me, is one of the hardest things to do. I can sympathize and empathize with your hurt, as I too have experienced my fair share in relationships/marriages. I would think your apprehensiveness to jump into something new is completely normal given your last experience is still super fresh (6mos in the grand scheme of relationships is a drop in the bucket).
Confidence and being communicative are both excellent traits to have an I’m sure they’ve served you very well over time. Knowing when the right time to take the next step is a totally different animal. For me, after my last marriage ending, I had stopped looking and decided to just focus on getting myself healthy again. At one point I woke up and said “Hmm, I feel ok but I’m getting lonely”. So I dipped a toe into the water and ended up finding someone really special. Was it scary, absolutely!!!, but I took things slow and was completely transparent about where I was in life and what I was looking for going forward. So far so good, but it’s a take it day by day scenario for sure.
Given what you’ve been through and accomplished in your life already, I’m sure you’ll feel when it’s the right time to dip that toe back in. Just remember, there are people here to support you … so if you need to chat about it … you have a place to go.
Hey there,
One of the hardest things a person can go through is a broken heart. This is the primary reason why we avoid love and relationships in general. The flipside to this is that love comes when we least at expect, it even comes in the midst of a broken heart. So, keep searching for love even in the midst of your fears. Good luck on your love journey!!!