Struggling so much lately

There’s a lot that’s been going on lately. Little by little I feel like I’m being crushed by a dark cloud. (A little edgy, I know. But I definitely feel that weight)

Here’s a list just so it’s easier to read than a paragraph. Events are in chronological order:

  • I went through a break up about a month and a half ago. I handled it better than usual but it has been sitting in the back of my mind and just trying hard to move on.

  • Tried to get a promotion at work, crossing my fingers it would work out (felt hopeful).

  • My car was then stolen last week with all my stuff in it at 5:30 am. Purse, phone, wallet, ID, credit cards. I was about to leave for work and went to throw away my trash in the dumpster 15 feet away before leaving. Didn’t see anyone or anything, just saw my car drive away… like a ghost stole my car. The guy tried using my credit cards and all. Considering my apartment is a gated community and it’s open, I had no idea where someone would hide and wait for me. Needless to say, pretty afraid now to go out in the dark. I feel unsafe. I live alone and have no family around.

  • Couldn’t get back to work for a week due to that incident (I work in a restricted area where you need special ID to get in that was also taken when my car was stolen). Shortage of police and shortage of rentals. My city is not doing so well right now.

  • The day I came back from the week away, I had an incident at work with a coworker out of no where. She made a scene and ridiculed me in front of several of my coworkers. She was spreading untrue professional performance issues at work. And basically got away with it. This can tie back into my hopeful promotion. I was worried about my job due to her comments.

  • I found out they offered the job to someone who has been employed at a moving company for the last 3 years and plenty years of research before that. (I have worked at this job for a year and a half with medical research background and they gave it to this other guy… low blow)

Up until that moment, I was told I was handling everything well. But that was sort of the cherry on top of everything. I moved away from my only family for my career so I am completely handling this alone. I moved in the middle of COVID so I dont really have any friends. It’s been really hard to deal with several issues over the last year by myself. With my break up, I also lost my best friend. It’s so hard to reach out to people who have their own problems and can’t really say much to help you.

I do struggle with MDD and anxiety which I take medication for and have a history of one time hospitalization. I’m always trying to stay above the surface, trying not to drown. And right now I have a feeling of hopelessness and feel alone due to having to deal with this by myself.

I just need some support right now. Any encouraging words or insight. It helps just knowing people out there care and understand or have had similar experiences.

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I would love to be your friend I struggle with anxiety. Thanks for showing me I’m not alone I can talk whenever you want :cry:

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Add me on discord maybe?

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From: theladywho (Discord)

Hi Kayke, hope you are having a better week, especially after all that has been going on. I can’t imagine having a car and all your wallet and everything stolen I would have been freaking out! I wanted to talk to you about your job situation, especially the hopes of promotion and it was given to someone else. I have totally been there professionally, where you are qualified and they give it to someone else for whatever reason. I know it can really hurt, and it’s ok to feel that way. Just don’t let that stop you from trying. It reads like your job has a couple negatives going on coworkers and possibly management issues. I would advise regarding coworker drama, kill them with kindness or grey rock them(react neutral, don’t give them anything to respond with) It never hurts to apply for other positions/other companies. One positive you can take away is the experience you gain when you go in for interviews, which will prepare you until you do find that better position. Thank you so much for sharing, it’s important to get this stuff out rather than bottle it up inside. Also I just wanted to tell you I appreciate you participating in the support wall to speak with others and help. You are very valued here <3 Take care, hope to see you on here more!

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hi @kayke ,

you’re totally spot-on on how hopelessness can feel exactly like being suffocated by a dark cloud. with every emotion you’re feeling, my wish is that you’re able to take some time to yourself to fully let it out and feel it. all the disappointment, frustration, and sadness… breathe it in and then let it go. with any emotions that remain, i hope you can use that as strength to overcome the job situation and gain the respect you deserve.

what are your usual strategies, aside from your medication, to overcome feelings of hopelessness?
when it comes to the loneliness, i think a lot of it stems from that hopeless feeling in your gut, which was probably amplified by the sequence of events you shared in the post. so for that, i hope you are able to practice self-care and even find people around you if you require in-person connections to fill that loneliness. you can find people through volunteering, events near you, etc. for a start!

i believe in you to overcome the odds and rise above this, my friend.

love,
twix

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Heya!
I’m sorry your car and things got stolen, people can be so terrible. I can relate to you. A couple days ago my friends got their tires stolen and replaced with janky tires with white caps. They got other car parts stolen from them, and almost got their car broken into. This was about 4-6 people who have dealt with this now. Not only that but we are dealing with a possible trafficking situation due to the tracking of each targeted car and the fact that the school I go to is mostly women. It’s a very scary situation to go through, and it stresses me out even though it wasn’t me. It terrifies me of the thought of something happening to the people I care about.
Work can be very stressful, I have to deal with alot of bad-vibe people at my job, and it’s aggravating and sucks the life out of you.
Losing best friends can be… Terrifying. I know how much that hurts. But let me tell you, all of these things will pass. Yes, it’s scary right now. Yes, it hurts right now. Yes, it feels like it will never end, but it will. And I hope whoever stole your car gets their shit due back tend fold. And I hope you stay safe, you’re not alone in this, you’re not the only one, so don’t drown friend ^~^
I have terrible anxiety too, it’s hard to get through each and every day with it, but somehow I have managed for 17 years, with a few drops in the spiky pit, one just last week. But it does get better.
I hope you keep on pushing forward <3
-X

@kayke Hi Friend

I am truly sorry that you have had such a rotten series of events but glad you felt you could share them in the hope that you can start to work through some of it and feel less alone because one thing you are never here is alone.
You have had a such an awful lot to deal with, its perfectly natural to feel how you do, this won’t last though, as things settle as make new decisions there will be more happiness out there for you which will in turn open up your world to so many more experiences of which a lot will be positive.
I hope this period of time soon becomes a distant memory and I wish you so much success in everything you do Friend.
You Deserve the happiness you are looking for.

Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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