I’ve struggled the last year with my parents divorce, an extremely rough fall sports season combined with my first time taking AP classes. It all snowballed and pulled me under. A rough home life and history I’m still dealing with and a split home, the feeling of letting down teammates and family, depressive episodes and a number of other things. After I was put into therapy it was all slowly getting better to understand and deal with. But the same feelings are coming back in different situations and I feel like I have so many problems and they are to hard to describe or put into words that I just over simplify it to my therapist. This week I talked to my dad for the first time in 6 years, I’m in the process of trying to move in with my other mother and school without my mom knowing, dealing with my mother and sister who are difficult people to communicate and live with now by myself since the divorce. Since about mid 2021 I’ve also been dealing with spontaneous panic attacks. I feel like there is just not enough time to explain everything to my therapist without overloading her. And since I felt so dull and empty and emotionless, I attempted self harm, but I couldn’t go through with it because I was too scared by it I don’t know who to talk to who doesn’t think I’m crazy and would understand everything. (My bio mother and dad used to be married, divorced long time ago, recent divorce is between my bio mom and stepmom who I have a good relationship with)
Hey Sunflower,
I am so glad you’re reaching out here and share with us what’s going on in your life. Honestly, that’s tons of stuff you have on your plate to deal with. I hope talking to your dad went well. I can imagine talking to him after 6 years was a very nerve-wracking event.
Every single problem is worth being discussed with your therapist. Don’t worry about overwhelming them. It’s their job to listen and to help you. It’s okay to share your struggles with them, and also, they can help you in a better way the more they know. I’d like to encourage you to tell them about your self-harm ideation, so that you can find alternative coping skills. This would be so important. It is crucial to address self-harm behaviors as soon as possible. Overcoming such maladaptive coping mechanisms is so hard once they’ve become your go-to habit to deal with negative emotions.
Maybe, you could make a list of what you’re struggling with and discuss this with your therapist. You can also let them know that you’re worried you’d overwhelm them - it can even be insightful to think about where this is coming from. And then, maybe set some priorities, by yourself and/or together with your therapist so that you find a way to work through it. Therapy is rather a long-term thing. It’s okay and totally normal when it takes time to work through all of the issues.
Make sure to take time to unwind and get your mind off of all these things that are going on. Do something for yourself. You matter. Sending you a big hug - if you want one, of course. 
From: Aces MCL36M
Hallos! First of all you are loved here and I want you to know this. A good idea is drawing you’re feelings to you’re therepist if its too hard to say your emotions. I’ve had 3 familys it the past 13years via adoption and it can be real tough but the best way I got through it is going through reality and coping and if it gets too hard, I just do somthing I like, like reading or listening to headspace for like 30 mins to calm myself down. Panic attacks can be quite scary but doings breathing techniques are the best things todo <3. Im very glad you didn’t go though the state of selfharm as I learnt last week good get yourself hospitalized so dont do it ever. Venting is always a good way to list on how your feeling. You’ve got this , you’re loved and you’re valued <3
From: Micro
Dear Sunflower,
Thank you so much for reaching out and trusting this community with your heart. You have been dealing with a lot but you are also allowing yourself to not carry that alone - by trying with your therapist, by talking here… this is huge, and I want to acknowledge this strength of yours with you today.
This fear of overloading others with your struggles is something I deeply resonate with, and I would like to pass along a suggestion that a dear friend gave me recently. Having known my share of traumas, abuse and difficult family situations, I’ve spent most of my life believing that this was just too much to carry, so it would be too much for anyone who would be willing to listen. I’ve learned to be vulnerable and reach out here and there, but have always shared parts of my story/situation. Not the whole picture - it seemed impossible to do that. The guidance that was given to me recently was to take my time to use writing as a tool to communicate what I need to say to my therapist. I’ve been in that process very recently, for three weeks or so. Almost every evening, I would sit down and ask myself if I wanted to write a part or not. More often than not, I didn’t. But in the end, I have this now 8+ pages worth of my story and traumas written, ready to be shared with my future therapist. It was a tough process, but so far it’s been very helpful. I have everything written down, cleared away from my mind. And… by giving it that way to my therapist, they will be able to take all the time they need to process, even take notes eventually, and help me break this down bits by bits, by things to focus on during our future meetings. I’m scared as heck to do it, but now seems more doable than ever.
All of this to say… writing can be a really good tool in order to take your time, organize your thoughts and give time to the person who’ll read it too. Your therapist is trained to process difficult things. You will not overwhelm them - it is their job to be a rational presence for you when things are hurting you so much.
I’d like to invite you to try to list the topics you’d like to address with your therapist, then try to write down about each of them. The facts/events, but also how it makes you feel and/or the questions that it raises for you. This will be a deep and complete invitation for your therapist to understand you, to understand your heart, and have all they need to help you the best. It’s completely okay to share the big picture through the format of a letter, and ask them to focus on one aspect during a meeting, then another during a second meeting, etc.
It feels overwhelming and unbearable, but I promise you it’s not. Take it little by little. And if it can help, I’d love for you to take the time to write everything down here first. You’re definitely not alone, and no one is ever going to call you crazy or judge you. You’re a human being going through a lot, which can be overwhelming to process. You deserve to get this out and to give the tools for the people around you to help you as you need. I’m in this process with you, and genuinely rooting for you. We are stronger than our struggles, and we can extend our means to communicate when one seems like it’s not the right one.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi Sunflower, welcome! I sounds like your life is pretty complicated right now. I’m sorry that you are dealing with so much stress. It’s your therapist’s job to listen and help you thru your issues. They are trained in self care and know how to enforce boundaries (at least they should be able to). If you are overloading them, they will tell you. You can bring notes in with you, so you can remember what you want to talk about too. You can think about the more important things you want to address and have them ready. I’m very proud of you for not self harming, I know it’s confusing but I will give you some advice. Don’t start because it will only make things worse and more complicated. Self harming does nothing, absolutely nothing positive. I know from experience. Take care! ~Mystrose
From: mictek
I wish you peace in your time of dealing with all this. Just remember, you are more strong than you could even know. I’m so proud of you and how far you have come so far. I’m so glad you posted here, that in itself says a lot about how strong you are. You have the ability to conquer all of your problems. Just tackle them one at a time. Believe in yourself and you will succeed in whatever you choose! Take some time to relax and reflect on your problems, and learn the best ways to fix them. I hope the healing light fills you full of knowledge on how to fix your situations to make you extremely well and happy to be here! Much love to you on your path my friend!
From: Mamadien
I’m glad you reached out to us. Know that we don’t think you’re “crazy” as you put it. It sounds like there is just so much going on in your life. School with AP classes and sports is a lot of work and energy. It makes coping with the things going on with your family tougher. I’m really glad that you are seeing a therapist though. Please take the time to truly talk about all that you are feeling with your therapist, that is what they are there for. They will be better able to help you if you can tell them all that is on your mind. Would it be helpful to perhaps write down things that you want to talk about so that you have something in front of you while you are at an appointment? It helps me keep things straight in my mind if I make a list or notes.
From: Taladien
Hey Sunflower,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. The courage, energy, and self it takes to talk to your dad after so many years must have been enormous. I hope it went well for both of you.
I encourage you to try to talk with your therapist about all of this, even if you feel like you are rambling. As someone who is a pro at taking way too many words to try to explain what is going on in my head, I’ve found luck and success in taking the extra time to just try to get it all out. They are there to hear you. So I encourage you to speak, and try to get the entire message out, not the simplified one.
The fact that you knew you wanted to self harm, but didn’t go through with it, is a good sign to me. You know you are struggling. And that’s OK. There is nothing wrong with that. You aren’t crazy. Talk with your therapist about it, and let them know the whole story. You are loved, and you matter. What you are going through now can be overcome. We are here to hear you, when ever you feel you need it.
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hey Sunflower, Welcome to Heartsuppport and thank you so much for your post, its good to meet you. It sounds like you have a lot going on there. I would love to start by saying I think considering all that you have said I think you are remarkable and doing an amazing job at life and thank you for not going through with the self harm, I am grateful that you didnt follow through with that. I myself came from a broken home and understand how difficult that can be and the effect that can have on you as a young person, I understand our situations are different but its hard being told that one of your parents is about to walk out of the door and life is never going to be the same again and its out of your control. I cannot howerver imagine not speaking to a parent for 6 years so that must have been incredibly overwhelming and I hope that it got some things resolved for you. I would like to mention your therapy, I think its vital that if you are comfortable with it that you do open up to your therapist about all of what you feel you want to get off of your chest even if you do think you will overwhelm them, it is their job to deal with that in their own way and are trained for that so that is not a concern you need to have, if you have worries or stresses that you wish to voice then you must tell them or they cant help you and you deserve good decent help, you deserve the best help you can get so that you can move forward in your life. I wish you the very best, we are always here for you if you need to talk or vent. Much Love Lisa x
From: Dr Hogarth
Hi Sunflower,
So glad you reached out here. What you described with your therapist reminded me a lot of how I felt about therapy when I was younger. I felt like I just couldn’t remember or articulate in the moment how I was feeling and would come out feeling like I hadn’t said anything I wanted to. A couple of things I tried 1. was to try and keep a journal in-between sessions to remind me things I wanted to talk about and 2. also drawing pictures for the therapist to ask me about. Keeping drawings worked better for me as I wasn’t very good at articulating how I was feeling and the therapist could ask about different aspects of the drawing and how it related to how I was feeling. Both worked well with keeping track of things I really needed to address and took some pressure off remembering.
What you have experienced at home sounds so stressful. Coming from a difficult family too, I know how unsafe it can make you feel. You feel permanently on-edge and just waiting for the next thing to happen. I am not surprised you are experiencing panic attacks. Not being able to explain all this pain and anxiety is painful in itself; the frustration builds and you want someone to know how much you are hurting and how deeply. I am so relieved that you didn’t hurt yourself my friend. People do understand your pain and, with time, your therapist will to. It’s not easy to start with therapy, but you made it this far, now you just need to make it work for you.
You can do this. If you need us, we’re here, and I promise we will never ever ever think you’re crazy. Keep safe. x
Thank you all for your comments and helpful advice! Things with my dad went really well and we’ve exchanged numbers and kept contact pretty consistently since then. I will definitely try out the suggestions about journaling and drawings, I think I remember having drawings when I was in elementary that helped me process things, it doesn’t hurt to pick it up again! And home life has gotten better, my sister is moving out and my mother is in a better mood because she is seeing someone now. Again thank you everyone for your kindness and how helpful your messages were!
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