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Struggling to cope with my symptoms

I had a really bad Schizophrenic meltdown last night, and I kept hallucinating, that some one was in my room, shining a flashlight in my face and watching me sleep, and I kept having nightmares of some thing trying to kill me
This happened all night long, it got so bad to the point where I couldn’t sleep.

I don’t want to tell anyone about this, because I’m afraid that they’ll send me back to the ward again and leave me there.

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Hey @Summer,

I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough night. It might be really scary to deal with such hallucinations and nightmares. Good for you though for being able to identify them as such afterwards. It may not prevent how draining it is, but learning to distinguish what is true or not remains essential.

I hear your fear and understands. However, given the topics you’ve created lately, and from an outside perspective, it seems to me that you would benefit from telling your therapist and/or other people about it. Going to a ward can be a stressful experience, but it is also a place where you can be safe when your mind doesn’t allow you to be.

Otherwise, I’d like to ask: how can we support you? You’ve been reaching out repeatedly (which is totally fine), but you are now getting to the point of needing to take steps further in your healing, and maybe even stepping out of your comfort zone by reaching out to people who can help you. Here we can hear you and encourage you, but there is a limit in this as we cannot take those steps for you.

I believe in you. I encourage you to not let the fears control you and your possibility to be helped more effectively. Some seasons are more difficult and sometimes out of our control, but we can still ask for help.

Hold Fast. :hrtlegolove:

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I don’t feel comfortable and safe to talk about this with my Counselor because she will call my grandma and tell her everything.

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hi Summer,

that sounds like a scary experience! not being to rest properly also drains us, so I’m really sorry you had to go through this.

Has this happened before? Does it usually stop or does it continue for an extended period?

I’d like to say that we shouldn’t address the present because of worries about the future. No-one would like to have to go into the wards and be left there, but if the present time is very difficult, and we need help now to be safe, to be able to function, then we need to do that now.

I know you have concerns with the counselor and your grandmother,. Can you ask for someone else to sit in to the session with you from the counselors’ office if there have been reports inthe past, then they might be willing to have someone observe a session to ensure that the counselor behavers appropriately (I’m iimagining a more private setting than a public hhospital setting ,please let me know if I am wrong).

also, could you still ask your counselor to give you in writing her commitment to confidentiality. You can send the request to her bosses as well, and make reference to your past concerns.

I can’t send it to her boss because I do may appointment over the phone.

I have had Schizophrenic meltdowns last all night off and on for several years,

As for having someone come in sit in with me when I have my appointments, I can’t because I have my appointments on a video call over the phone.

As for my Counselor, she’s not working at her office right now because she has Cancer and she isn’t quite ready to go back to work at her office for the time being.

Not sure how you do the video calls, but could you have a three way call somehow?

I don’t want to stress you out more with these details, but it really seems weird that everyone is allowing the counselor to break confidentiality and gossip about a patient, in a manner that further causes harm to the patient. Maybe you can ask for someone else to join the conference? Her office should be able to handle these kinds of request if they want to do their jobs properly.

She’s working from home for the time being,

As for having someone else join, I don’t think that will be possible because she’s working from home for the time being because she has Cancer and isn’t going to be working at my office for while.

As for having a three way call, I don’t think that would work because it’s set up through her system