Struggling to cope

Im struggling so much to cope with everything thats going on around me right now. Someone in my family is suicidal, and they’ve attempted suicide several times. They started self harming. And they’ve been taken to hospital, and released from hospital (wtf?). Right after they got home from hospital, they attempted again. Hearing all of this when I’m struggling myself, it just feels like way too much. It feels like everything is weighing on me so so much, and I can’t process thoughts properly. I’m scattered, and can’t sleep properly. I’m getting less than 6 hours a night. Whenever I try and sleep, my mind starts to race.
When I talk to people, it feels like they’re being dismissive of me and what I’m saying. Like I’m just a broken record. It feels like people see me talking in messages or hear me speaking and just go like “Oh god not her again”.
I can’t keep acting like I’m okay. And I’m tired of feeling like I’m being brushed off. I want to self harm. I want to hurt myself. And I don’t understand why. My heart hurts. My chest hurts. My body is aching and I’m tired. Constant stress. Constant pain. Constant worry.
If it’s not worrying for my dad, it’s worrying for my cousin. And then having meltdowns everytime I hear kids screaming downstairs when I’m in my room. Giving myself headaches and earaches trying to block out the noise. Clenching my fists and trying not to lash out.
I can’t cope. I’m struggling.

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I am so sorry you’re going through all that. That is a lot of heavy stuff weighing in your mind. With so much heavy stuff, you have a much lower tolerance for sensory overload. That’s a lot of stuff I can’t speak to directly except to say that you have my sympathy, but I’ll address what I can speak to.

Regarding the screaming kids, I have a suggestion that sounds like a stupid joke, but I’m serious. Invest in some concert ear plugs. They have saved me a lot of stress at large family gatherings with screaming kids. They’re not foam plugs that muffle important communication, but they have sound filters that just quiet the room down and take the edges off the sharp sounds of children’s screams. I’m cringing right now just thinking about screaming children on top of that kind of stress.

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