Struggling to Set Healthy Goals in 2019

Hey friends, first I want to say Happy New Year to you guys. I hope that 2019 is full of great things and happiness for all of you guys. You guys are all amazing people, and I’m so glad that I’ve been able to get close to so many of you in 2018, and it’s been a freaking amazing year for Heart Support, and I’m so excited to see what happens in 2019.

I’ve always struggled with New Year’s Resolutions, because they never last very long, and when I fail I always feel worse about myself. So going into the new year I knew there were things I wanted to accomplish, do less, and stop doing, but I wasn’t sure where to start.

So a few goals I had

  • A year clean from drugs, alcohol, pornography, and self harm
  • No isolating
  • Have $500 saved by the end of the year
  • Respond to a support wall post a day

But in some sense those goals see far fetched and like an impossibility. The first one, I haven’t been sober for more then a month since I was 16, and pornography I’ve struggled with for the past three years off and on. So seeing myself a year clean, seems far fetched and like an impossibility, especially to do all together. So I find myself quickly getting discouraged, feeling like I can’t do this, and I’m already feeling weak and frustrated and I’m only two days in.

The no isolating goal, an I just don’t know about this one. Because sometimes I like to just be alone, and I don’t want to reach out all the time you know? Sometimes I want to be alone and work through things, and although in the past I haven’t been healthy about that if I’m sticking to goal one then isolating shouldn’t be an issue. I know that right now for sure at least once a week I have a scheduled so that’s one time a week of healthy reaching out confirmed. Also, like i’ll be going to therapy once a week starting back on the week of the 14th, so that will be good. I don’t know what a healthy goal is for this, maybe reaching out like three days a week? This goal is stressing me out a lot more then it probably should.

Goal #3 isn’t going to be that hard in my opinion, but I think it’s going to be a healthy way to start saving money, as I have people I want to go visit next summer, plus the heart support meet up etc. So I’m excited for this. Also this goal will not be hard as long as I’m sticking to goal number one then I will be saving a lot of money if I stick to those things.

And goal number four, although that seems reasonable right now, I don’t know how anyone else feels, but being supportive can be emotionally draining. So although I’m doing decently well right now I feel like once school starts and I’m overwhelmed with school and graduation this might be a bit more tough.

So what’s everyone’s advice? How do you set healthy goals, and not stress yourself sick about them? Also how do you replace these bad habits, and negative coping mechanisms with healthy ones? So like yesterday when I got home from work, I wanted to drink and self harm, so I slept for seven hours, which was a bad idea, and isn’t always going to be an option to avoid using, so what’s the better options, or your guys advice and insight.

Love you guys, Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,

1 Like

#1 I’m so proud of you for setting this goal and trying. But it can be better to do it moderately. Set out a plan. Don’t try to run before you can walk. With school coming, and your other goals, you might get overwhelmed and throw the whole thing away. What I mean by a plan is maybe first figure out how much (or how many hours) you do drinking, pornography, self harm, and alcohol. And don’t beat yourself up on its amount, no one is perfect. The start to lessen your time on it. So, like allow yourself 3 bottles for the first three days, and then 2 bottles for the next three days and so on. You can do the same with pornography. As for self harm, ask yourself why you do it. And is hurting yourself really the answer? Do you love yourself? If there are things you don’t love about yourself, you can change them with a bit of hard work and determination.

#2 try not stress out about it. You already have plans and set your schedule to at least once a week. You can always start small.
I get that you like to be alone sometimes, and that can help to work through things. But if you feel yourself slipping to any of the things in goal #1, go immediately to someone. You don’t have to tell them anything about the drinking or self harm or anything. Just take in their company. Or go out to watch movies alone, maybe a pet store where all the cute animals could distract you. Who could resist those adorable puppy eyes and kitty paws? Of course, you don’t have to follow this exact advice.

#3 hold fast to your goal. You deserve it.

#4 this is really sweet of you! First, you should work on yourself. Although sometimes, for me at least, I go on heartsupport because I not only want to help, but also it helps me feel good about myself to know that I helped and answered someone out there. Do not worry about being the most amazing person to answer someone else’s post, again, you don’t need to be perfect. Sometimes it’s enough just to get a reply.

All in all, remember what you want and what you are fighting for. If you feel emotionally drained and weak and frustrated, post on here, or I definitely say listen to some rock music. It’s not satanic I promise. I’m not telling you to listen to metal or screamo, those are just one of the many subgenres. Rock n roll is about freedom & staying strong. It always inspires me. I recommend Black Veil Brides (anyone who’s seen replies by me knows Im in the BVB army :slight_smile:), Aelonia, Andy Black, Guns 'N Roses, Bon Jovi, Twisted Sister

Don’t give up <3


Hey Monkey,

These seem like awesome goals to have for this year. The thing about goals is that even though some may be harder to achieve than others, at the end of they day, they all feel just as rewarding as the others. I know you can stick to your goals and will feel awesome about yourself at the end of the day. You got this.

Love ya Friendo

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