Struggling to stay alive

Tonight has just been too much. Something happened today that has really brought back a flood of recent memories and it’s so, so painful and hard to bear. I don’t really know how to describe it, but I just feel so terrible and I don’t know how to make it to tomorrow. I know I want to, but the guilt and shame is overwhelming. And I can’t believe I really considered killing myself, even for just a moment. It makes me feel more guilty. But I can’t win, because I know I don’t think I deserve to live, but when I think about ending it, I feel shameful of that too. The thoughts come and go, and I thought I was getting better at controlling them, but I’m not. I don’t know how I’m going to get better and I don’t know how to get through this.

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Alex. I’m sorry this is happening. It’s hard to see the reasons to keep going when our minds are playing the enemy you’re not alone in feeling this. Something that helped me was writing down reasons to stay alive. Whether they’re tiny things like… go to a specific concert. Or something bigger. Nothing is too small and nothing is too silly.
Keep fighting. You’re stronger than you think.

Kayla

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Alex. I’m so sorry that you are struggling right now. It is so hard when our feelings and thoughts seem to overtake us. It seems like they are all there is, in the moment when you are having them. But, remember, there is more than what is going on in your mind, more than what is going on inside of you right now. There is more. YOU are more. I know it’s so hard. I am so glad that you are posting on here. Keep reaching out. This will pass. It may take awhile, but these thoughts and feelings will pass. Stay strong. You can do this.

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Hey @Alex,

Although it might look foggy as to how you’ll get through this, please believe that you WILL get through this. Make it a fact. When faced with uncertainty, speak, “I WILL get through this” over yourself. You learn to believe whatever you tell yourself (whether truths or lies), and if you speak truth, it’ll make the dark season a little lighter. Similarly to the facts that the sky is blue and grass is green - you WILL get through this. You’re strong. Remember that. We’re rooting for you!!

-Eric

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@Kayla @NomadicWanderer @Eric Thank you so much guys. Honestly, just thank you for your words and keeping me here. Going to take up your suggestions as soon as I can. I’m just grateful for you guys and this community right now.

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I’ve felt that way too. Many many times, It always feels endless. But the truth is it does end. It ends when you let yourself be loved and when you reach out to others like us. But even if you feel this way it gets better later on. Until then surround yourself with people who love and care about you while also remembering to talk about these feelings with them. They will understand and try their very best to help. There’s no shame in asking family or friends for help. Especially when things get this bad. Also the best thing to do is discover some great coping mechanisms that distract and calm your heart and mind enough that you can move past these memories and thoughts. Another great thing to do is definitely find a therapist near you and see if you can get an appointment and evaluation with them. For the immediate and non long term pain music, warm bathes, breathing techniques, and maybe even something as simple as watching your favorite TV show can help. I suggest trying a myriad of things until you find the best method to ease your suffering until you can gain the help you need.

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Hey Alex in these dark moments its good to release your emotions and I am so glad you are doing it on here. Thank you. In College I was living by myself and just could not find the right path to take and I start praying for a whole hour. I left it to Christ and to just take it all away. Slowly in time He taught me how to deal with my heaviest struggles. Be patient take one step at a time find the good that is in your life now and hold it tight. Then take the next step to getting better. Seriously you are so strong for sharing what is going on right now.

Pain leaves opportunity for healing.

You will get through this Alex!

-Morgan

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I’ve been there and I am so sorry that you feel this way…
You are never alone and you will make it through this and you will one day look back and see how far you have come.
Please do not give up

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