Hi everyone first time posting here.
I’ve really been struggling for a couple of years now and I think at this point I think I’m basically at my lowest in quite a while and I do not know what to do. I have seen a few therapists to talk about my (what seems to be) depression. I’ve been dealing with this for several years now but only more recently (last year or two) actually decided to get some professional help. For reference, I am about to be a senior in college. Looking objectively at my life, things are going quite well, I have an internship that’s very promising and is going well, and I have people I consider friends around me who seem to care enough. My relationship with my family, albeit a bit chaotic and rocky, is still very intact and I know my parents care for me a lot. However, I’m still finding myself in a hole created by my depression and I have no idea how to get out of it.
I’m guessing this is a very common thing for people on this forum to say who have depression, but I can’t seem to find any pleasure whatsoever in doing anything. Every single day, I wake up, work my eight-hour shift, and when I finish all I want to do is sleep. Making basic meals for myself feels like a massive chore, as does maintaining good hygiene and trying to go out for walks for a little exercise, but I feel like I’ve been doing a bit better job of that as of late. Yet, just keeping up with these basic things seems to drain any energy I have during a day. I’ve tried changing my routine, sleeping properly, drinking water, eating better, exercising, and none of it really seems to help. I know that there’s a lot of things I ~think~ I used to be interested in, but now it seems like I’m just kind of going through the motions whenever I do any of those things; like I’m putting in a ton of effort to do it and not getting any enjoyment out of it. Previously when I lived with a larger group of people, I would just force myself to keep going out and doing things even if I wasn’t enjoying them often, but now that I’m in a quieter living situation I think I’m realizing more and more that I really have a problem. I feel like I’m wasting my life, every single day all I can do is barely get through work, and there’s a part of me that WANTS to do more but I never seem to be able to. Now I literally just spend every minute outside of work (which I have to be awake for) just waiting until it’s late enough and I’m tired enough to sleep for the night. I feel so lonely but any attempts I make at seeing my friends just feel like the equivalent effort of climbing a mountain and I don’t really have the motivation to anymore.
I’m sure all of this is just classic depression symptoms, and frankly, I’ve tried really hard to address that part of things. The three different therapists I’ve seen over the past years all seemed well-intentioned but never seemed to actually find the root of any problem, just kind of helped me find other things to focus on for a month or so before I fell back down to the place I’m in now. I’ve seen a psychiatrist and am currently taking Prozac, and have been for 4.5 months or so, but I don’t really think it’s helping and am unsure how to tell if it’s making things worse. I’ve tried talking to closer friends about my troubles, but it hasn’t particularly helped with things, especially in the day-to-day.
I don’t know a lot about this forum, but I’m just about at my wit’s end with everything. I don’t know what avenue I can even take to try and address my problems. Being around people in person just feels tiring, therapy feels like a pain and seems overly superficial, and I don’t think my medication is really helping me. For a while, I had thought that I was getting better slowly, but a few days ago I had a full-on panic attack for the first time and now I know I’m definitely NOT good. But I don’t know what to do. If anyone here reading this has dealt with anything similar please let me know if you have any advice. thanks
