Struggling to want to do anything but sleep

Hi everyone first time posting here.

I’ve really been struggling for a couple of years now and I think at this point I think I’m basically at my lowest in quite a while and I do not know what to do. I have seen a few therapists to talk about my (what seems to be) depression. I’ve been dealing with this for several years now but only more recently (last year or two) actually decided to get some professional help. For reference, I am about to be a senior in college. Looking objectively at my life, things are going quite well, I have an internship that’s very promising and is going well, and I have people I consider friends around me who seem to care enough. My relationship with my family, albeit a bit chaotic and rocky, is still very intact and I know my parents care for me a lot. However, I’m still finding myself in a hole created by my depression and I have no idea how to get out of it.

I’m guessing this is a very common thing for people on this forum to say who have depression, but I can’t seem to find any pleasure whatsoever in doing anything. Every single day, I wake up, work my eight-hour shift, and when I finish all I want to do is sleep. Making basic meals for myself feels like a massive chore, as does maintaining good hygiene and trying to go out for walks for a little exercise, but I feel like I’ve been doing a bit better job of that as of late. Yet, just keeping up with these basic things seems to drain any energy I have during a day. I’ve tried changing my routine, sleeping properly, drinking water, eating better, exercising, and none of it really seems to help. I know that there’s a lot of things I ~think~ I used to be interested in, but now it seems like I’m just kind of going through the motions whenever I do any of those things; like I’m putting in a ton of effort to do it and not getting any enjoyment out of it. Previously when I lived with a larger group of people, I would just force myself to keep going out and doing things even if I wasn’t enjoying them often, but now that I’m in a quieter living situation I think I’m realizing more and more that I really have a problem. I feel like I’m wasting my life, every single day all I can do is barely get through work, and there’s a part of me that WANTS to do more but I never seem to be able to. Now I literally just spend every minute outside of work (which I have to be awake for) just waiting until it’s late enough and I’m tired enough to sleep for the night. I feel so lonely but any attempts I make at seeing my friends just feel like the equivalent effort of climbing a mountain and I don’t really have the motivation to anymore.

I’m sure all of this is just classic depression symptoms, and frankly, I’ve tried really hard to address that part of things. The three different therapists I’ve seen over the past years all seemed well-intentioned but never seemed to actually find the root of any problem, just kind of helped me find other things to focus on for a month or so before I fell back down to the place I’m in now. I’ve seen a psychiatrist and am currently taking Prozac, and have been for 4.5 months or so, but I don’t really think it’s helping and am unsure how to tell if it’s making things worse. I’ve tried talking to closer friends about my troubles, but it hasn’t particularly helped with things, especially in the day-to-day.

I don’t know a lot about this forum, but I’m just about at my wit’s end with everything. I don’t know what avenue I can even take to try and address my problems. Being around people in person just feels tiring, therapy feels like a pain and seems overly superficial, and I don’t think my medication is really helping me. For a while, I had thought that I was getting better slowly, but a few days ago I had a full-on panic attack for the first time and now I know I’m definitely NOT good. But I don’t know what to do. If anyone here reading this has dealt with anything similar please let me know if you have any advice. thanks


Hey user2!

EsRivs responded to your post live on Twitch with some wonderful words of encouragement!

Here is a link to the video so you can hear their reply,

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Have you tried reading feelingful books or listening to meaningful music?

Hi user2
I came across your post and I just wanted to say thank you for posting it. I’ve been feeling this way for a long time too. I’m sorry to say that I don’t have any useful advice, but I wanted you to know that you’re not alone. It’s also really helpful for me to know that there are other people out there who feel this way.

Hi. First off, welcome to Heart Support. You’re in good company here.

What you described here is so much like my own experience. Like you said, it’s pretty typical of depression, but “typical” depression is still a heavy burden, and reading this brought me right back to where you are now. For reference, I was a 6th year sophomore/junior when I finally dropped out, so you’re doing really well and I applaud you for that! There was nothing objectively wrong in my life either, and that fueled a guilt complex because I thought I had no business feeling as pitiful as I did. I kept trying to tell myself to buck up and get ahold of myself. Depression isn’t rational, or we could reason it away. It’s a chemical imbalance that negatively affects our thought patterns to where everything can have a negative spin, including not having anything objectively wrong with your life.

Have you talked to your doctor about the possibility of sleep apnea? It’s a really common problem that can affect people even if they’re in shape or don’t snore. I got my tonsils removed when I was 14 to help my sleep apnea, and it changed my life, but by the time I was in my early 20s I still felt like I could never get enough sleep. I talked to my doctor again, got a sleep study, and they found I still had moderate sleep apnea. I got a CPAP machine, and it changed my life again. It didn’t make the depression go away, but when I could get healthy sleep through the night I had a lot more energy to do things during the day. I was more clear-headed, and I felt better about all the things I was able to accomplish. Sleep health is the single most important factor in every other aspect of overall health, and something that we diminish both as individuals and as a culture. It’s worth a conversation.

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